tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79102405238615752012024-03-13T11:35:57.960-07:00Sarcastic Art Review Fun TimeSarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.comBlogger103125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-374069023169351562015-02-12T18:02:00.000-08:002015-02-12T18:02:53.508-08:00Mini-Post: Allegory for a Long WeekSometimes, you just feel tired and worn out. Like the universe has given you as much as you can handle, and then some.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/Jungfru_Maria_och_Jesus_i_Sankt_Olof.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/Jungfru_Maria_och_Jesus_i_Sankt_Olof.jpg" height="640" width="388" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Source: <a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jungfru_Maria_och_Jesus_i_Sankt_Olof.jpg">David Castor</a></td></tr>
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Take Mary here. She's like, "I didn't ask for a baby. I didn't even do anything to warrant a baby coming to be. And now I have this baby and it has strained my marriage, complicated my sexuality, and caused me to flee to another country. But he will not take my last solace. HE CANNOT HAVE MY LAST DRUMSTICK." Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-47054606982614303502015-02-03T18:59:00.000-08:002015-02-03T18:59:55.773-08:00Stop! In the Name of Love (and a Horse)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Some time ago, this image on <a href="http://uglyrenaissancebabies.tumblr.com/">Ugly Renaissance Babies</a>
caught my eye:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://41.media.tumblr.com/9c4b6d59fe5a5396dabbb79286725eac/tumblr_mv4btcqBua1r6f0d9o1_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/9c4b6d59fe5a5396dabbb79286725eac/tumblr_mv4btcqBua1r6f0d9o1_1280.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">I love this picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are the most epic babies I have ever
seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The one in the middle will claw
out your liver without a second thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His friend on the right is pleading with his eyes that you’ll just drop
it so Baby 1 doesn’t lose it again, because he is sick of cleaning up the blood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Baby 3 is seeing his life flash before his
eyes, right before his intestines do in a Mortal Kombat-esque finishing move.</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But I wondered: what IS this painting?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is happening in the rest of it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does it all ooze as much drama as these
little guys?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It turns out this snippet is a part of “The
Intervention of the Sabine Women,” and it is every bit as action-packed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/The_Intervention_of_the_Sabine_Women.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/The_Intervention_of_the_Sabine_Women.jpg" height="458" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Intervention of the Sabine Women</span></i><span lang="EN-US"> – Jacques-Louis
David, 1799 (Source <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b1/The_Intervention_of_the_Sabine_Women.jpg">1</a>
<a href="http://panyifu.blog.163.com/blog/static/59473999201011158514190/">2</a>)</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US"> </span><br />
<span lang="EN-US">The story goes that the Romans went and
abducted some Sabine women, so the Sabines went and tried to get them back, and
here the Sabine women are trying to stop the violence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This lady is either trying to intervene,
or finish her yoga session.</span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"> </span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--64OvzDAFoA/VNGJSd0KcYI/AAAAAAAABp0/L1rXLHEYacY/s1600/Yoga%2BLady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--64OvzDAFoA/VNGJSd0KcYI/AAAAAAAABp0/L1rXLHEYacY/s1600/Yoga%2BLady.jpg" height="640" width="611" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I think this lady is welcoming the opportunity
to be invaded.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xl8JMq_vdxk/VNGJRpDUztI/AAAAAAAABpk/yXrufMktsDE/s1600/Desperate%2BOld%2BLady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xl8JMq_vdxk/VNGJRpDUztI/AAAAAAAABpk/yXrufMktsDE/s1600/Desperate%2BOld%2BLady.jpg" height="400" width="272" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fortunately for her, the warriors came with
the latest in practical battlewear.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-I0ppFS0en0s/VNGJR_KA0lI/AAAAAAAABpo/2iQ7Ags75aA/s1600/Nude%2BWarrior.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-I0ppFS0en0s/VNGJR_KA0lI/AAAAAAAABpo/2iQ7Ags75aA/s1600/Nude%2BWarrior.jpg" height="640" width="447" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Of course, some people seem less interested
in the warriors than they are in absconding naked with a horse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OpPeczBRFfY/VNGJSMu3kgI/AAAAAAAABpw/46lnhwPaL3s/s1600/Running%2BAway%2Bwith%2Ba%2BHorse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OpPeczBRFfY/VNGJSMu3kgI/AAAAAAAABpw/46lnhwPaL3s/s1600/Running%2BAway%2Bwith%2Ba%2BHorse.jpg" height="640" width="161" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It is perhaps worth noting that this
painting is apparently intended to reflect the artist’s hope for the people of France
to <a href="http://www.louvre.fr/en/oeuvre-notices/intervention-sabine-women">reconcile
after the Revolution</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which I think
speaks volumes: nothing says post-revolution France like well-oiled nude men
with spears, ravaged women, and a deep affection for Mister Ed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-87648134336606775352015-01-17T10:27:00.001-08:002015-01-17T10:39:41.945-08:00Biblical Pinup Girls<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">After <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/2015/01/how-to-get-head-in-life.html">last week</a>’s exploration in the comments section of the
fashion concerns surrounding wearing white while beheading someone, I stumbled
across this other depiction of Judith.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://christianimagesource.com/women_in_the_bible__image_7_sjpg1122.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://christianimagesource.com/women_in_the_bible__image_7_sjpg1122.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It just goes to show that a smattering of
blood can really make a statement in an otherwise drab ensemble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The delicate splatters on the arms show that
she was involved in the chopping, but just enough to accent - not so much as to
get any icky gore stuck anywhere, as that would be gauche.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I would note that the servant lady-man
looks at least as intense now that the head is in hand as s/he did during the
act.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This discovery was more than another take
on the Judith story, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
featured on the website <a href="http://christianimagesource.com/index.php">Christian
Image Source</a>, which features a plethora of “<b>free</b> Christian
images to use in almost any way you wish.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That seemed like too good an offer to pass up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There are many categories of images listed,
but the one that caught my eye was “Women of the Bible.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because other Bible images are very
masculine, and so the discerning lady looking for Biblical art inspiration on
characters to emulate would want a separate, one-stop shop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So let’s take a look!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><a href="http://christianimagesource.com/women_in_the_bible__image_5_sjpg1120.jpg"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://christianimagesource.com/women_in_the_bible__image_5_sjpg1120.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://christianimagesource.com/women_in_the_bible__image_5_sjpg1120.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">Lydia</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">I have to confess that I did not remember
who “Lydia” was, beyond a vague impression that she was a character in the film
“Beetlejuice.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turns out that in the <a href="http://biblehub.com/acts/16.htm">Book of Acts</a>, a woman named Lydia
was so inspired by the words of Paul, that she invited him and his pals to her
house to stay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What puzzles me here is
that the only other description of this lady seems to be that she was “a seller
of purple fabrics,” which is a detail that would have been easily indicated
given the quantity of drapery in her house and on her person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am left to assume that she had a rule against
using her own product. </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Anyway, here she is, inviting the viewer in
with an expression that does not strike me as entirely pure and pious, if you
get my drift.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Moving on, we turn to Jephthah’s daughter,
a woman of the bible so important that she doesn’t get a name of her own. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://christianimagesource.com/women_of_the_bible__image_9_sjpg1107.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://christianimagesource.com/women_of_the_bible__image_9_sjpg1107.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jephthah's Daughter</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The story goes that <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Judg%2011:30-Judg%2011:39">Jephthah
makes a vow to God</a> that if he wins a particular battle, then the first thing that comes out of his house to greet him afterwards, he will burn as an
offering to The Lord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because nothing
could go wrong with that kind of vow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lo
and behold, he wins the battle, and when he gets home his daughter comes out to
greet him, so he murders – I mean, sacrifices her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s it for Jephthah’s daughter in terms of
story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not sure how that is
reflected in this image.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that how she
came out to greet her father after battle?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In which case, there might be other issues at hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe her name was Electra?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Right, let’s go back to the New Testament,
where surely purity must abound.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://christianimagesource.com/bible_women__image_5_sjpg1112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://christianimagesource.com/bible_women__image_5_sjpg1112.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">The Samaritan Woman</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">Ahh, the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+4">woman at the well</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is one of the most memorable stories in
the Bible for me because of a lecture I attended at a prominent Divinity
school, and I am not making this up, where the guest lecturer went on for at least 20 minutes on the topic of why the story of
the Samaritan Woman at the Well was about a sexual proposition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">“Jesus says he would give her LIVING
WATER,” the lecturer observed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“This is
CLEARLY HIS SEMEN.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching respected
Biblical scholars attempt to reason with this man was one of the most
entertaining incidents of my academic life, because his response to every
comment was “She says that the WELL IS DEEP. But he has NO BUCKET.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Anyway, nice cleavage, Samaritan lady.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Ok, fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Samaritan lady is supposed to be a bit risqué, with her long list of
past or present sugar daddies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely
someone like <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke%207:11-7:17&version=NIV">a
widow</a>, mourning the death of her only son, will be a paragon of weeping and
modest dishevelment. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://christianimagesource.com/bible_women__image_7_sjpg1114.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://christianimagesource.com/bible_women__image_7_sjpg1114.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">The Widow of Nain </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">Oh, come ON.</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">How about Mary Magdalene, arguably one of
the most important of Christ’s followers?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://christianimagesource.com/women_in_the_bible__image_2_sjpg1117.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://christianimagesource.com/women_in_the_bible__image_2_sjpg1117.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Mary Magdalene</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">Just your casual scripture-reading
garb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So basically, what we have learned is that to
many more modern artists, all of the ladies of the Bible are sexy vixens with mean
come-hither looks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps women looking
at these images are supposed to be inspired?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or male viewers are meant to “appreciate” the women of the Bible
more?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I know the site says the images can be used "</span></span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span lang="EN-US">in almost any way you wish," but there are some uses I just don't want to associate with Biblical contemplation. </span></span>Anyway, I can’t wait to see how
tantalizing they make Delilah, one of the greatest seductresses of the Old
Testament…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://christianimagesource.com/women_of_the_bible__image_8_sjpg1106.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://christianimagesource.com/women_of_the_bible__image_8_sjpg1106.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">Delilah</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">Oh baby.</span>
</div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-45274537588071332132015-01-10T15:23:00.000-08:002015-01-10T15:28:29.876-08:00How To Get A Head In Life<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Answer: a
good, sharp sword.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">In the Book
of Judith, Judith is a hot widow who wants to save Israel from the Assyrians.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, she cozies up to the powerful Assyrian general
Holofernes, who really wants to tap her Lord-Enhanced Loveliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she finally agrees to party with him one
night, he gets super drunk and passes out, and she takes the opportunity to
behead him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really, it’s a lot like the
story of Samson and Delilah, except the powerful idiot who can’t keep it in his
pants is considered a villain, and the lady trying to murder him is the
hero.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, Judith was intelligent
enough to realize that 99% of the time, beheading is more effective for permanently stopping someone
than tying the guy up with bowstrings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">The
Judith-Beheading-Holofernes story was apparently quite popular in art for many
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of the ones I’ve found, this one
by Caravaggio is my favorite, for the sole reason that they all have fantastic
facial expressions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-K5grsxNEAIA/VLGyw_7GUcI/AAAAAAAABo4/XJ8q9dxzOfM/s1600/Judith_Beheading_Holofernes_by_Caravaggio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-K5grsxNEAIA/VLGyw_7GUcI/AAAAAAAABo4/XJ8q9dxzOfM/s1600/Judith_Beheading_Holofernes_by_Caravaggio.jpg" height="468" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Judith Beheading Holofernes</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">,
Caravaggio, c. 1598-99 (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Caravaggio_Judith_Beheading_Holofernes.jpg">Source</a>)</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">First, the
beheadee:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4Llr6CNCrzQ/VLGywpqNcSI/AAAAAAAABoo/2CPAI11p6iw/s1600/Holofernes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4Llr6CNCrzQ/VLGywpqNcSI/AAAAAAAABoo/2CPAI11p6iw/s1600/Holofernes.jpg" height="320" width="313" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">That is
certainly an appropriate face to have while being beheaded, although I thought
he was supposed to be unconscious, which was how this whole thing came
about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess his neck looks to be sort
of three quarters severed at that point, which probably took a few whacks, so
maybe he woke up when he had been liberated of a few tendons?</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Also note
the spurting blood that resembles party streamers bursting from a horrible
piñata.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">Judith's
expression is even better, holding the head at arm’s length and looking a bit
grossed out by the whole prospect, like a Jane Austen heroine tasked with pig-slaughtering duty.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oezUly5jO9k/VLGyw4T-5TI/AAAAAAAABo0/KdqcxbrM7TE/s1600/Judith.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oezUly5jO9k/VLGyw4T-5TI/AAAAAAAABo0/KdqcxbrM7TE/s1600/Judith.jpg" height="640" width="416" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">But the person
most excited in this scene is Judith’s servant.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri;">This little
old lady is ready to go with her head-transportation sack, fists clenched with
anticipation, saying “Yes yes yesyesYESYES MURDER THAT #@$@# REAL GOOD!!”</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-17956359237243178202014-12-20T09:57:00.000-08:002014-12-20T17:10:10.858-08:00Santa Claus Is Coming (To Your Nightmares)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">For children around the US, the countdown
is on until a large bearded man breaks into their homes late at night, and
miraculously their parents don’t try to stand their ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
man steals baked goods and cow juice in exchange for toys that look
suspiciously like the sale offerings at Target.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Whether they are based at the North Pole or his subsidiary plants in
China, his elves have been slaving away, while he himself only stirs from his
home office once a year (although he’s been spotted at shopping malls inviting
every child he sees to sit on his lap and tell him their deepest, darkest
desires). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His name and background story change
slightly in other countries, almost as if he’s
got something to hide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But who is this
man, just a keyboard slip away from Satan?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Someone I don’t want anywhere near my
purely hypothetical offspring, that’s who.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/%D0%A0%D0%BE%D0%B6%D0%B4%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%8F_%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BA%D1%80%D1%8B%D1%82%D0%BA%D0%B0_14.jpg/375px-%D0%A0%D0%BE%D0%B6%D0%B4%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%8F_%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BA%D1%80%D1%8B%D1%82%D0%BA%D0%B0_14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/%D0%A0%D0%BE%D0%B6%D0%B4%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%8F_%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BA%D1%80%D1%8B%D1%82%D0%BA%D0%B0_14.jpg/375px-%D0%A0%D0%BE%D0%B6%D0%B4%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%8F_%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BA%D1%80%D1%8B%D1%82%D0%BA%D0%B0_14.jpg" height="640" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:%D0%A0%D0%BE%D0%B6%D0%B4%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D1%81%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%8F_%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%BA%D1%80%D1%8B%D1%82%D0%BA%D0%B0_14.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Blood-red lips and rouged cheeks peek out
from a curtain of dirty white, eyes slightly uneven as he clutches a beaded
handbag possibly stolen from the Missus’ closet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Have this lovely dolly I made just for you,
Sally!” he says, parroting the words whispered into his ear by the tiny goblin
on his shoulder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/60/Jultomten1904.djvu/page1-438px-Jultomten1904.djvu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/60/Jultomten1904.djvu/page1-438px-Jultomten1904.djvu.jpg" height="640" width="466" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jultomten1904.djvu">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"> </span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This version looks more like a garden gnome
that is cheerfully kidnapping your child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Ha ha ha, let’s go, Billy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
will take you to a place full of candy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Of course your parents won’t mind!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d0/Santa_and_His_Pipe_Drawing.jpg/413px-Santa_and_His_Pipe_Drawing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d0/Santa_and_His_Pipe_Drawing.jpg/413px-Santa_and_His_Pipe_Drawing.jpg" height="640" width="440" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Santa_and_His_Pipe_Drawing.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am not sure whether this is Santa or the
offspring of Jabba the Hutt and a grizzly bear.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/22/Santa_Claus_Cover_Art.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/22/Santa_Claus_Cover_Art.jpg" height="640" width="498" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/22/Santa_Claus_Cover_Art.jpg">Source</a>)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> Wes Craven's next smash hit. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0e/Santa_Claus_1.JPG/496px-Santa_Claus_1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0e/Santa_Claus_1.JPG/496px-Santa_Claus_1.JPG" height="640" width="528" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Santa_Claus_1.JPG">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Pretty sure this was the model for all caricatures
of 19<sup>th</sup> century robber barons.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b8/1906_Christmas_catalogue_Eaton%27s.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b8/1906_Christmas_catalogue_Eaton's.jpg" height="640" width="472" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:1906_Christmas_catalogue_Eaton%27s.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"> </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The Grinch, age 80.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/67/Old_Father_Christmas_Image.jpg/404px-Old_Father_Christmas_Image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/67/Old_Father_Christmas_Image.jpg/404px-Old_Father_Christmas_Image.jpg" height="640" width="430" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Old_Father_Christmas_Image.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Remember that one year Santa was sick,
so Saruman filled in?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0f/Santa1902PuckCover.jpg/465px-Santa1902PuckCover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0f/Santa1902PuckCover.jpg/465px-Santa1902PuckCover.jpg" height="640" width="496" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Santa1902PuckCover.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Turn-of-the-century Santa did not limit his
offering of delight to children.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/ac/Santa1904PuckCover.jpg/452px-Santa1904PuckCover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/ac/Santa1904PuckCover.jpg/452px-Santa1904PuckCover.jpg" height="640" width="482" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Santa1904PuckCover.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">He apparently experimented for a while with being a
gangster pimp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Must have been something
in the tobacco of the early 20<sup>th</sup> century.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/Santa_Clause_Has_Gone_To_War_-_NARA_-_533870.tif/lossy-page1-447px-Santa_Clause_Has_Gone_To_War_-_NARA_-_533870.tif.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a8/Santa_Clause_Has_Gone_To_War_-_NARA_-_533870.tif/lossy-page1-447px-Santa_Clause_Has_Gone_To_War_-_NARA_-_533870.tif.jpg" height="640" width="476" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Santa_Clause_Has_Gone_To_War_-_NARA_-_533870.tif">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">But by the 40s, he was back in the spirit
of giving, in the form of bullets.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c8/Merry_Christmas_to_All_And_to_All_a_Good_Fight_-_NARA_-_533866.tif/lossy-page1-386px-Merry_Christmas_to_All_And_to_All_a_Good_Fight_-_NARA_-_533866.tif.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c8/Merry_Christmas_to_All_And_to_All_a_Good_Fight_-_NARA_-_533866.tif/lossy-page1-386px-Merry_Christmas_to_All_And_to_All_a_Good_Fight_-_NARA_-_533866.tif.jpg" height="640" width="410" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Merry_Christmas_to_All_And_to_All_a_Good_Fight_-_NARA_-_533866.tif">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Toys for the boys!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously, WWII Santa was terrifying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fortunately, that horror is over, and we
are back to good, clean fun from old St. Nick.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/13-06-27-rotterdam-by-RalfR-41.jpg/398px-13-06-27-rotterdam-by-RalfR-41.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6e/13-06-27-rotterdam-by-RalfR-41.jpg/398px-13-06-27-rotterdam-by-RalfR-41.jpg" height="640" width="424" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:13-06-27-rotterdam-by-RalfR-41.jpg">Source</a>: </span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://www.fahrradmonteur.de/">Ralf Roletschek</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The children will be so excited!</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-74819461353369050072014-12-13T07:25:00.000-08:002014-12-13T08:24:35.399-08:00All the Little Children<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Christmas is creeping ever closer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As is Hanukkah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And possibly Kwanzaa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heck, the grocery store is stocking Valentine’s
Day goods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The point is, whatever
tradition floats your boat, odds are this time of year is for celebration!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But you know who enjoys the season the
most?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Primarily because they get lots of loot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This week we look at the children of the Buderus
family. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-couhwqMAkgI/VIxWCaW5pUI/AAAAAAAABoI/kY2WIs5pEw0/s1600/Die_Kinder_der_Familie_Buderus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-couhwqMAkgI/VIxWCaW5pUI/AAAAAAAABoI/kY2WIs5pEw0/s1600/Die_Kinder_der_Familie_Buderus.jpg" height="548" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Die Kinder der Familie Buderus </i>(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Die_Kinder_der_Familie_Buderus.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">This was apparently on the cover of a book
of German Christmas stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such happy
youth, frolicking with their new toys!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7bQOZwmcbx8/VIxWCB8RlkI/AAAAAAAABno/MX2AzDoRevA/s1600/Death%2BStare.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7bQOZwmcbx8/VIxWCB8RlkI/AAAAAAAABno/MX2AzDoRevA/s1600/Death%2BStare.jpg" height="400" width="296" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Well, I’m not sure if that’s joyous frolicking
so much as trying to kill her sister with her eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is NO WAY Helga is getting her dirty
hands all over Gudrun’s new doll.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jo_4G1l70dY/VIxWC7c8ckI/AAAAAAAABn0/y2vymSD8zZQ/s1600/Soul%2BVacuum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jo_4G1l70dY/VIxWC7c8ckI/AAAAAAAABn0/y2vymSD8zZQ/s1600/Soul%2BVacuum.jpg" height="400" width="321" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">To be fair, Helga seems quite able to hold
her own in a staring contest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her eyes
are like a soul vacuum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one has
looked directly into her gaze and remained sane.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Case in point: young Gunther.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aIxLQZyvIls/VIxWCVp58mI/AAAAAAAABns/ODOj5OHBKRg/s1600/Poor%2BGunther.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aIxLQZyvIls/VIxWCVp58mI/AAAAAAAABns/ODOj5OHBKRg/s1600/Poor%2BGunther.jpg" height="400" width="340" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Once he was the brightest star in
kindergarten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he crossed his sister
over the last sweetie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now he thinks he
is a dachshund.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Side note: is that some kind of whip or
crop lying around on the ground?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
might provide further explanation of the personality disorders which I am
making up as I go along here.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Possible bondage equipment aside, these are the actual toys under
the tree.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XMpVaMM_UxA/VIxWC7hKDbI/AAAAAAAABn4/hEkbi-Qwgd8/s1600/Terror%2BToys.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XMpVaMM_UxA/VIxWC7hKDbI/AAAAAAAABn4/hEkbi-Qwgd8/s1600/Terror%2BToys.jpg" height="275" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A faceless arm points from above, directing
a giant clownish man with a face straight out of nightmares to go Godzilla on a
peaceful toy village.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wooden soldiers
march to their doom before the puppet menace, bodies littering the
ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While this is the kind of scene
I would definitely set up under my own tree, I would not entirely expect it from two young girls and the host of an alien brain parasite.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But maybe this is
a traditional scene from a typical happy German family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Looking at Helga again, it's actually not very surprising at all. </span>Frohe Weihnachten!</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-43865839653106723762014-12-06T06:25:00.000-08:002014-12-06T06:25:50.846-08:00A Kinder, Gentler Winter Scene<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Dear readers, with December upon us I
thought I would turn to a nice, soothing winter scene.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe some partridges, maybe some pear trees,
perhaps some people frolicking in the snow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I fired up Wikimedia and boldly typed in “paintings of winter.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The first three subcategories it listed
were “Paintings of allegories of winter,” “Winter landscape paintings,” and “Massacre
of the Innocents by Pieter Bruegel the Elder.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Guess which one I had to bring up?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BSRDQPCLsvc/VIMPccEyjqI/AAAAAAAABnc/yWLC1oVTSaA/s1600/Pieter_Bruegel_the_Elder_-_Massacre_of_the_Innocents_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BSRDQPCLsvc/VIMPccEyjqI/AAAAAAAABnc/yWLC1oVTSaA/s1600/Pieter_Bruegel_the_Elder_-_Massacre_of_the_Innocents_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" height="438" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Massacre
of the Innocents</span></i><span lang="EN-US"> – Pieter Bruegel the Elder,
1565-1567 (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pieter_Bruegel_the_Elder_-_Massacre_of_the_Innocents_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg">Source</a>)</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></i><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"> </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">At a glance, this is <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/2012/08/mindless-self-indulgence-pie-hats-and.html">way
tamer</a> than some of the <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/2012/12/rebels-without-cause-divine-edition.html">other
stuff</a> he painted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As by far the most
interesting result in the winter paintings category search, however, it
deserves a look here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2qBSiKG1H0o/VIMPdGin-_I/AAAAAAAABnM/PNvT_St3CrI/s1600/Watermelon%2BPirate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2qBSiKG1H0o/VIMPdGin-_I/AAAAAAAABnM/PNvT_St3CrI/s1600/Watermelon%2BPirate.jpg" height="400" width="325" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This cartoonish figure is ready to bust
down some doors, which I assume he found by kicking every three feet down the
line of the brick wall given that his hat is completely covering his eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fashion provided by Disney’s Pirates of the
Caribbean costume department, specifically the designer who had a love affair
with sliced watermelons.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rTpimgdLPRw/VIMPYaZlyFI/AAAAAAAABm0/7-9vRFIt6IA/s1600/Bad%2BHorse!.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rTpimgdLPRw/VIMPYaZlyFI/AAAAAAAABm0/7-9vRFIt6IA/s1600/Bad%2BHorse!.jpg" height="337" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">All of the horses look like they have been
put in Time Out, with their heads sullenly against the trees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess the only way to tie up a horse was to
staple its ears to a tree trunk?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tjsmyAFcSIE/VIMPcx4rdlI/AAAAAAAABnI/0iTdebDcyUk/s1600/Turkey%2BMassacre.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tjsmyAFcSIE/VIMPcx4rdlI/AAAAAAAABnI/0iTdebDcyUk/s1600/Turkey%2BMassacre.jpg" height="462" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Here are some guys violently murdering turkeys
with pikes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So it’s like
Thanksgiving, only much more pleasant for the turkeys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The guy killing a pig (?) with his backside
toward the viewer has the most awesome leggings ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile women desperately struggle over
jars and weep over nicely wrapped parcels.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-M4kT8EZoYTk/VIMPcmOw7gI/AAAAAAAABnA/IiZenINbYl8/s1600/Sacred%2BLarder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-M4kT8EZoYTk/VIMPcmOw7gI/AAAAAAAABnA/IiZenINbYl8/s1600/Sacred%2BLarder.jpg" height="400" width="321" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This lady seems to be praying over the
contents of her larder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g015p7ic9K0/VIMPYH5nUFI/AAAAAAAABmw/ZcFyhbt5R1c/s1600/Dislocated%2BShoulder%2BKid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-g015p7ic9K0/VIMPYH5nUFI/AAAAAAAABmw/ZcFyhbt5R1c/s1600/Dislocated%2BShoulder%2BKid.jpg" height="400" width="208" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And this poor kid is having a bad day, being
dragged from the house in the snow with a dislocated shoulder and no pants.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is actually the most telling bit about
the scene.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="http://www.royalcollection.org.uk/collection/405787/massacre-of-the-innocents">It
turns out</a> that this isn’t just a raid of a town for dry goods and livestock
by men who have an impressive rap sheet with the fashion police.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The massacre of the innocents refers to the
Bible story where Herod hears about baby Jesus’ birth, so he orders that all
children should be murdered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Flemish Pieter here decided to tell this
story in a context his viewers could understand, so he depicted all of the
murderers as Spaniards and Germans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because even in the 16<sup>th</sup> century, when you asked someone “Who
would commit the worst atrocity you can imagine?” the first answer that sprang
to mind was “Flamboyant Tights-Wearing Hitler.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">What this amounts to is that all of the
turkeys and livestock and kitchen goods in the painting were originally dead
babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some point its owner decided
that perhaps this was not the most appetizing scene to have hanging in the
dining room, or bedroom, or anywhere, so he had all the tiny corpses painted
over into a more palatable scene of pillaging.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So really, I take back what I said before
about this being one of the artist’s tamer paintings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People could handle his images of lobster
monsters, or bird-lizards ripping their own stomachs open to spawn, but a modernized
Gospel scene was considered too gruesome.</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-8238755592064031662014-11-27T00:00:00.000-08:002014-11-26T15:34:53.225-08:00Thanksgiving Post: The Bean Feast, a.k.a. Drunken Old-Timey Frat Party<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Dear readers, Thanksgiving has come once
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That glorious day of the year
when the whole family comes together to scarf down in half an hour a feast that
took 15 hours to prepare, and then fall into a food coma in front of the
TV.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankful!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Previously for Thanksgiving I wrote about
the <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/2012/11/successful-family-feast-tips-provide.html">Bean
Feast</a> by 17<sup>th</sup> century Dutch painter Jan Steen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year, I will write about a Bean Feast by
17<sup>th</sup> century Flemish painter Jacob Jordaens, because apparently 17th century Bean
Feasts were pretty wild affairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although
Jacob Jordaens didn’t approve of drunkenness, and his version is like 200%
creepier.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_jh2145VzA4/VHZd6Xyc85I/AAAAAAAABmU/gdhheh8c7mQ/s1600/Jacob_Jordaens_-_The_Feast_of_the_Bean_King_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_jh2145VzA4/VHZd6Xyc85I/AAAAAAAABmU/gdhheh8c7mQ/s1600/Jacob_Jordaens_-_The_Feast_of_the_Bean_King_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" height="516" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Feast of the Bean King</span></i><span lang="EN-US"> – Jacob Jordaens, 1640-1645 (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jacob_Jordaens_-_The_Feast_of_the_Bean_King_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">So the first thing that catches the eye
is this classy guy.</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V1VdjLksb3c/VHZd7_hHVGI/AAAAAAAABmY/cJqltNWfTts/s1600/Vomit%2BMan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V1VdjLksb3c/VHZd7_hHVGI/AAAAAAAABmY/cJqltNWfTts/s1600/Vomit%2BMan.jpg" height="393" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">He cares enough about his own garments to
keep his cap from falling into his own pool of bodily fluids, but no one seems
to notice or really care that he is vomiting on that little girl’s dress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The woman next him is looking over in a sort
of “Ha ha, oh Jan, you need to learn to hold your liquor” sort of way, but that’s
about the only reaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Casting the eye up the way, we spot this
amorous couple.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fhekV4CAS4A/VHZd6iXyXoI/AAAAAAAABmI/4fpGnpJqlgc/s1600/Loving%2BFace%2BCrush.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fhekV4CAS4A/VHZd6iXyXoI/AAAAAAAABmI/4fpGnpJqlgc/s1600/Loving%2BFace%2BCrush.jpg" height="400" width="358" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My first thought was “Oh my God, he is going
to crush her jaw with his bare hand!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But she seems to be enjoying herself, so maybe Creepy Men
With Face Mutilation Fetishes are her thing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Behind them is this gentleman who seems
unfamiliar with how to smoke a pipe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r8IpB6Zwa30/VHZd6hkQwVI/AAAAAAAABmE/Q2QqPwtnCt4/s1600/Not%2BHow%2Bto%2BSmoke%2Ba%2BPipe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r8IpB6Zwa30/VHZd6hkQwVI/AAAAAAAABmE/Q2QqPwtnCt4/s1600/Not%2BHow%2Bto%2BSmoke%2Ba%2BPipe.jpg" height="400" width="337" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">To be fair, I have never smoked a pipe
either, so perhaps I am unfamiliar with the mechanics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I feel like people I have seen with
pipes usually do not have their heads thrown back, necks bulging, and chins puckered
when they partake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sherlock Holmes would
be a much less picturesque character to illustrate with his cheeks puffed like
a starving squirrel and eyes rolled back into the next postal code.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Other fun partygoers include Doghat
McAngryface….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bSAeU_1ee28/VHZd2xAl4JI/AAAAAAAABlk/MUh4a9KfFtQ/s1600/Doghat%2BMcAngryface.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bSAeU_1ee28/VHZd2xAl4JI/AAAAAAAABlk/MUh4a9KfFtQ/s1600/Doghat%2BMcAngryface.jpg" height="400" width="305" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">…And this man, who from a distance, I
thought might be foaming at the mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PJHx9F6Zp9o/VHZd3TxjkgI/AAAAAAAABlw/bBqH-JuV4_c/s1600/Gushing%2BTeeth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PJHx9F6Zp9o/VHZd3TxjkgI/AAAAAAAABlw/bBqH-JuV4_c/s1600/Gushing%2BTeeth.jpg" height="320" width="235" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>It turns out he’s just about to happily spit out all of his teeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are a lot of sloppily raised arms
there, so it would not surprise me if he just got landed with a powerful
uppercut with a pint glass.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-27ljkkDHxuA/VHZd2y1BEqI/AAAAAAAABlg/qo4oYaBl9n4/s1600/Deep%2BThroat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-27ljkkDHxuA/VHZd2y1BEqI/AAAAAAAABlg/qo4oYaBl9n4/s1600/Deep%2BThroat.jpg" height="400" width="336" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Speaking of raised things, I’m sure this is
meant to be a cut of meat, but it sure looks like he’s about to deep throat a
spent balloon or other soggy elongated rubber tubular object.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But whatever it is, he is going to swallow it
with gusto.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Drawing attention back to the other side of
the painting again, this mirror on the wall caught my eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s got the back of the head of the woman
looking over at the vomiting man in amusement, and the bonnet of the little old
lady behind her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But also featured is….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-27NSX_RnOiU/VHZd3495L3I/AAAAAAAABl0/CkEGBcaVkws/s1600/Insane%2BMirror.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-27NSX_RnOiU/VHZd3495L3I/AAAAAAAABl0/CkEGBcaVkws/s1600/Insane%2BMirror.jpg" height="640" width="323" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">THAT TERRIFYING FACE BEING STRANGLED.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It looks like an even creepier version of
that woman having her jaw crushed above, except that person is facing the same
direction as the two women who have the backs of their heads reflected
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess the artist just really
liked painting strangulation/face crushing, so physics be darned, he was
painting it again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, maybe it’s
just me, but there is something about a ghostly disembodied
head with a grotesque soulless smile over a murderous hand in the mirror without
an obvious source that makes it extra terrifying.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In conclusion, 17<sup>th</sup> century folks
seemed to know how to have a rollicking feast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think the figure I identify with most in this painting, though, is
this guy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SUT1ngP5WOw/VHZd2_oR-7I/AAAAAAAABlc/l79n8tRTjEg/s1600/Flemish%2BGrumpy%2BCat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SUT1ngP5WOw/VHZd2_oR-7I/AAAAAAAABlc/l79n8tRTjEg/s1600/Flemish%2BGrumpy%2BCat.jpg" height="253" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">“Sod off and leave me alone, you drunken
hogs.” – Flemish Grumpy Cat</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Happy Thanksgiving!</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-8090351199067835192014-11-22T16:11:00.000-08:002014-11-22T16:11:38.800-08:00And Now For Something Completely Different<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This week I am departing from the official
theme of this blog, because I was inspired to do something other than stare at
the intricate details of medieval paintings of religious/tortured/naked
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So if you are one of those
people who found this page by Googling “religious tortured naked people,” you
can hit the back button right now.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I was at the airport in Spain a few
weeks ago, I poked around the Duty Free shop for a bit, looking for last-minute
souvenirs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was there I encountered
Bad Toro goods.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://badtoro.es/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/BADTORO-LOGO_web.png" height="202" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="640" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://badtoro.es/">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I instantly felt a connection with this adorable
bull with attitude, but I was also filled with questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What are his motivations?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is he angry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is he really bad, or is he just drawn that
way?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When I got home I searched to see more of
his story, but it turns out he is basically just the mascot for an extreme
sports reporting site.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is pretty
much his whole background:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span lang="EN-US">“<strong><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">BADTORO</span></strong> is
a noble but challenging looking pet that is characterized above all by his
courage in facing challenges that may seem impossible to many. It represents
not to hide from anything or anyone acting always with courage, respect and
sincerity.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Now, I have to take issue with this story,
because there is no way Bad Toro is a pet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is far too determined and free-spirited, taking no bull (so to speak)
from anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided to plunge deeper
to learn more of his personal passions and hobbies.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-32QjKoBRLSk/VHEbD--3RgI/AAAAAAAABlI/6RNQCG3scX8/s1600/Bad%2BToro%2B02%2Breedit%2Bcropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-32QjKoBRLSk/VHEbD--3RgI/AAAAAAAABlI/6RNQCG3scX8/s1600/Bad%2BToro%2B02%2Breedit%2Bcropped.jpg" height="280" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It seems Bad Toro loves culture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes he likes to get dressed up and go
to the theatre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, the
beginning and end of a production can be quite the test of his self-control,
due to some traumatic incidents in his past.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zoccWhCJNJc/VHEbD-GT5hI/AAAAAAAABlE/SThUpS4cw8o/s1600/Bad%2BToro%2B03%2BCropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zoccWhCJNJc/VHEbD-GT5hI/AAAAAAAABlE/SThUpS4cw8o/s1600/Bad%2BToro%2B03%2BCropped.jpg" height="318" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The key to his “bad” attitude lies in the
tragic loss of his one true love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, he
will go to any lengths to stop the marauding race of murderous barbarians who
would enslave, torture, and eat his kin.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dBXufJO8pXc/VHEbD5HKj2I/AAAAAAAABlA/41toqGz2hiU/s1600/Bad%2BToro%2B1%2Bcropped%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dBXufJO8pXc/VHEbD5HKj2I/AAAAAAAABlA/41toqGz2hiU/s1600/Bad%2BToro%2B1%2Bcropped%2B2.jpg" height="320" width="318" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">He’s a bit of an International Toro of
Mystery – in an effort to save his brothers, he has been known to disguise
himself and infiltrate gatherings of matadors to learn their latest strategies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Bad Toro does show courage in facing challenges
that would seem impossible to many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
knows better than most that the stakes are high.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is indeed a noble creature, working for
the freedom of bovinekind in memory of his sweet Bessita.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Thus concludes the Tale of Bad Toro. Our regularly scheduled program of creepy old paintings should be back next week. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <i>P.S.: I have a newfound respect for people who regularly come up with content and illustrate their own blogs. This is way harder than making snarky comments about other people's work.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-49177186837246713562014-11-15T10:38:00.000-08:002014-11-15T10:57:59.871-08:00European Adventures Part III: An Automatonophobe's Nightmare<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This week I learned that automatonophobia is the fear of inanimate objects that represent humans. Thanks, Google!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In part three of the Europe travel notes, we look again at Oviedo
Cathedral, and more specifically at a few of the statues around
the place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First, St. Anthony.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eNYxsnrLE-M/VGeNq37i0oI/AAAAAAAABkQ/BYl_ga0Uy7c/s1600/St%2BAnthony.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eNYxsnrLE-M/VGeNq37i0oI/AAAAAAAABkQ/BYl_ga0Uy7c/s1600/St%2BAnthony.jpg" height="640" width="408" />This </a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We’ve looked at St. Anthony <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/2014/05/return-of-review-weirdos-in-wings.html">before</a>,
and the main reason he’s here is because I still love the adorable pig by his
side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ACUEUDcxZRw/VGeNrBSVTjI/AAAAAAAABkM/5hBT0Bs9K-8/s1600/St%2BPig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ACUEUDcxZRw/VGeNrBSVTjI/AAAAAAAABkM/5hBT0Bs9K-8/s1600/St%2BPig.jpg" height="295" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Adorable but sad, as if he knows he’s just
a thought away from being turned into bacon for his master.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I guess saintly animal companions were
pretty popular.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This guy has a stoned
lion hanging out with him, which doubles as a book stand.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-274tDrGz8N4/VGeNs6hZB0I/AAAAAAAABkg/pGkpUCCZUe4/s1600/Stoned%2BLion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-274tDrGz8N4/VGeNs6hZB0I/AAAAAAAABkg/pGkpUCCZUe4/s1600/Stoned%2BLion.jpg" height="640" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Next up: St. Leocadia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IiQ63dNokAw/VGeNn8LzPKI/AAAAAAAABj4/O3QKYZtEIgY/s1600/Leocadia%2BLarge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IiQ63dNokAw/VGeNn8LzPKI/AAAAAAAABj4/O3QKYZtEIgY/s1600/Leocadia%2BLarge.jpg" height="640" width="404" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The combination of her wild lightning bolts
on a plate, combined with her creepy, slightly reptilian eyes, reminds me of
one of the weeping angels from Doctor Who crossed with a rogue Pokémon.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PpJp9GNOs38/VGeNoGshX5I/AAAAAAAABj0/e8UX7wD6ScM/s1600/Leocadia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PpJp9GNOs38/VGeNoGshX5I/AAAAAAAABj0/e8UX7wD6ScM/s1600/Leocadia.jpg" height="391" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Speaking of the Timelord, here
is the Eleventh Doctor’s patron saint.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cp5mQ3ljprQ/VGeNsrBjqxI/AAAAAAAABkc/5gx75cO3BQ8/s1600/St%2BGeronimo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cp5mQ3ljprQ/VGeNsrBjqxI/AAAAAAAABkc/5gx75cO3BQ8/s1600/St%2BGeronimo.jpg" height="640" width="290" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is apparently the corner for people
who crossed St. Leocadia, with shock and seizures being the result.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BjkDveNW2Ns/VGeNoqpEf7I/AAAAAAAABj8/aGQVKqWNkvg/s1600/Shocked%2BSaints.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BjkDveNW2Ns/VGeNoqpEf7I/AAAAAAAABj8/aGQVKqWNkvg/s1600/Shocked%2BSaints.jpg" height="342" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am not sure who this guy is, but the
demon he is walking over looks more annoyed than conquered.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NcTkOCsbhyw/VGeNdt-kzEI/AAAAAAAABjU/52lv0c7pMF0/s1600/Demon%2BStomper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NcTkOCsbhyw/VGeNdt-kzEI/AAAAAAAABjU/52lv0c7pMF0/s1600/Demon%2BStomper.jpg" height="640" width="371" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Of course St. Peter gets a central statue
spot.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ej17oYgZleg/VGeNi9NtNKI/AAAAAAAABjk/ii7FdAE8KXM/s1600/IMG_2389.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ej17oYgZleg/VGeNi9NtNKI/AAAAAAAABjk/ii7FdAE8KXM/s1600/IMG_2389.JPG" height="640" width="425" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The jaunty angle of his beehive hat, the
gaping mouth, the crazed eyes looking in slightly different directions...he’s
holding out the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven as if to say, “PLEASE TAKE THESE KEYS BECAUSE I DON’T
REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SZkNKh7TfRg/VGeNdXKpLJI/AAAAAAAABjM/1WqIn4KYJsU/s1600/Crazed%2BSt%2BPeter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SZkNKh7TfRg/VGeNdXKpLJI/AAAAAAAABjM/1WqIn4KYJsU/s1600/Crazed%2BSt%2BPeter.jpg" height="516" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Finally for this installment, I present
this lovely altar featuring the Holy Family.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xAyNPfDhEqE/VGeNnMrIPoI/AAAAAAAABjs/Jb5xfaV-EX0/s1600/IMG_2416.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xAyNPfDhEqE/VGeNnMrIPoI/AAAAAAAABjs/Jb5xfaV-EX0/s1600/IMG_2416.JPG" height="640" width="426" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There are a lot of statues of Mary holding
Baby Jesus, maybe with a dove shooting laser beams over their heads to represent
her Baby Daddy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like this one,
however, because Mary is on her own being glorified on top of a pile of children, while Joseph has been left
with babysitting duties overhead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i11DV6-E0SU/VGeNdw9ZHdI/AAAAAAAABjQ/bD_jiKQcNVY/s1600/God%2BDad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-i11DV6-E0SU/VGeNdw9ZHdI/AAAAAAAABjQ/bD_jiKQcNVY/s1600/God%2BDad.jpg" height="400" width="328" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">He is holding that baby like he is not
quite sure which way is up, and he definitely does not want to change the Holy
Diaper. </span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-51871385939669262922014-11-07T16:31:00.000-08:002014-11-07T16:31:17.397-08:00European Adventures Part II: Oviedo and the Temple of Death<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">After the Wedding in Bling Abbey, I was off
for an assignment in Spain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There wasn’t
much time for sightseeing, but the one thing I did get to check out was Oviedo
Cathedral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what a cathedral it
is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To give you an idea of the
overwhelming visual experience, this is the main altar.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7OsPY4m-x0E/VF1eWlQZZsI/AAAAAAAABhs/nAHA_eTmKzQ/s1600/Altar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7OsPY4m-x0E/VF1eWlQZZsI/AAAAAAAABhs/nAHA_eTmKzQ/s1600/Altar.jpg" height="640" width="490" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My detail-obsessed brain immediately shut
down at this, and I still haven’t had a chance to process it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This will be at least a two-part entry, so I
may come back to it later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For now,
however, we are going to look at what I found to be the most striking art theme
of the cathedral: brutal murder.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Before dragging my husband around to
photograph 5000 vignettes and drawing suspicious looks from staff, I took the
formal tour, which was quite whirlwind (“There is the altar! Here are very old statues
of the disciples!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a fancy historical
jeweled box!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ok, thanks for coming!”).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the details from the guide that stuck
with me, though, was that Saint Eulogius, who is buried in the cathedral, had been beheaded by the
Moors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the tour, the first scene
that I noticed was this one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4pbuNPefNhQ/VF1eav22XuI/AAAAAAAABiM/o-xWga8aM-k/s1600/Scimitar%2BBeheading.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4pbuNPefNhQ/VF1eav22XuI/AAAAAAAABiM/o-xWga8aM-k/s1600/Scimitar%2BBeheading.jpg" height="438" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Sure enough, that is a dude about to be
beheaded by a man with a scimitar and a bitchin’ moustache.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3zrTAbwZDA8/VF1eYWAshSI/AAAAAAAABh8/wB5QN2Du7XI/s1600/Scimitar%2BBeheading%2BCloseup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3zrTAbwZDA8/VF1eYWAshSI/AAAAAAAABh8/wB5QN2Du7XI/s1600/Scimitar%2BBeheading%2BCloseup.jpg" height="400" width="345" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The incoming angel seems unprepared to deal
with this situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is hard to
balance a wreath on the head when it is a free-range head, not bound by the
confines of a body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, what is he planning
to do with that palm branch?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beat off the
assailant, or just incapacitate him with hayfever?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This proved to be the first of several
death-in-process vignettes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a
Catholic place of worship, I expect a certain amount of (Possibly Bleeding)
Jesus-On-A-Cross, but this place is like a religious snuff film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Snuff mural?)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I now present to you the Martyr Highlights
of Oviedo Cathedral.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ULLt_MMHYHU/VF1eX1zNYUI/AAAAAAAABiA/ZJiqpCdUWCI/s1600/Head%2BMeets%2BBaseball%2BBat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ULLt_MMHYHU/VF1eX1zNYUI/AAAAAAAABiA/ZJiqpCdUWCI/s1600/Head%2BMeets%2BBaseball%2BBat.jpg" height="626" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Apparently getting whacked from behind was
a big problem in medieval Spain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
time the weapon looks more like a baseball bat, although he seems to have a
scimitar at his side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The victim is just
like, “Hey, tree, what did I do??” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Also note the floating angel head - this theme is making more sense now that I see all the beheadings that went on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7NVgAzf-egM/VF1efhVMtSI/AAAAAAAABik/A4HfrctLSM8/s1600/Stabbed%2BWhile%2BWatched%2Bby%2BDwarf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7NVgAzf-egM/VF1efhVMtSI/AAAAAAAABik/A4HfrctLSM8/s1600/Stabbed%2BWhile%2BWatched%2Bby%2BDwarf.jpg" height="640" width="520" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I’m not sure if this one is actually a
murder about to happen, but it looks like he’s about to be stabbed in the back
on the king’s orders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Charm point:
adorable dwarf with a knife that might leap forward and cut his Achilles tendon.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Of course, the images of saints being
beaten with rocks are much more picturesque than the stabbings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XPsXNo1oMEk/VF1eXNBxLKI/AAAAAAAABhw/MyozPogKUhc/s1600/Head%2BBashed%2Bby%2BRock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XPsXNo1oMEk/VF1eXNBxLKI/AAAAAAAABhw/MyozPogKUhc/s1600/Head%2BBashed%2Bby%2BRock.jpg" height="454" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The guy giving the orders looks so
delightfully disinterested – “Oh, just get it over with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And try not to get any brain splatters on me.”
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yWLrKvbUGME/VF1eiCeYhkI/AAAAAAAABi0/ojGaCeVmijM/s1600/Tied%2Bto%2BCross%2Band%2BBeaten%2Bwith%2BRocks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yWLrKvbUGME/VF1eiCeYhkI/AAAAAAAABi0/ojGaCeVmijM/s1600/Tied%2Bto%2BCross%2Band%2BBeaten%2Bwith%2BRocks.jpg" height="622" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Here, even though one guy has a pitchfork,
the multitude decided that rock-bashing is much more fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, I like that there is a dedicated
rock-fetcher for the mindless murder mob.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qDvORsONT0Y/VF1ehAuHHiI/AAAAAAAABis/4gPmrn0RorE/s1600/Tied%2Bto%2BTree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qDvORsONT0Y/VF1ehAuHHiI/AAAAAAAABis/4gPmrn0RorE/s1600/Tied%2Bto%2BTree.jpg" height="538" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This man seems to be being whipped with
bushels of wheat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That angel coming down
with the cross is like, “Hey guys, that looks pretty ineffective, but I’ve got
a technique that works here…”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Also, good on the victim for trying to make
a break for it while they’re still in the process of binding his feet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-djzNuqYOFNs/VF1ecuwx6hI/AAAAAAAABiU/9GKrnphpnos/s1600/Skin%2BFlayed%2Bon%2Ba%2BTree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-djzNuqYOFNs/VF1ecuwx6hI/AAAAAAAABiU/9GKrnphpnos/s1600/Skin%2BFlayed%2Bon%2Ba%2BTree.jpg" height="500" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This one gets points for being the most
gruesome, with the man being actively flayed alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Must be a House Dreadfort job.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Yv89VYFHMCA/VF1ejK3_GqI/AAAAAAAABi8/_df-hOc15KQ/s1600/Trampled%2Bby%2BHorse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Yv89VYFHMCA/VF1ejK3_GqI/AAAAAAAABi8/_df-hOc15KQ/s1600/Trampled%2Bby%2BHorse.jpg" height="640" width="624" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am not entirely sure why those three
angry guys are being trampled, but I love that the one in the middle is holding
his hand up as if to say, “Excuse me, old chap, might you lend a hand here?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3Aq2hvvHuUA/VF1eddPvDtI/AAAAAAAABiY/RA099-BFLIg/s1600/Sky%2BDemons%2Bwith%2BPitchforks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3Aq2hvvHuUA/VF1eddPvDtI/AAAAAAAABiY/RA099-BFLIg/s1600/Sky%2BDemons%2Bwith%2BPitchforks.jpg" height="388" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I always thought that devils were supposed
to take your soul and stab you with pitchforks underground, but apparently sky
demons are also a concern.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not quite
sure what the dove with laser beams is doing, since it is not engaging in
combat with the minions of hell.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Finally, my personal favorite Oviedo
Cathedral death: naked man consumed by dragon under an Illuminati pyramid.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1EUVgJcPpVI/VF1eUdP8OaI/AAAAAAAABhk/5h1ExIqAuQg/s1600/Eaten%2Bby%2BDragon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1EUVgJcPpVI/VF1eUdP8OaI/AAAAAAAABhk/5h1ExIqAuQg/s1600/Eaten%2Bby%2BDragon.jpg" height="572" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So there you have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There may have been more, but these were the
main ones that caught my eye in the cacophony of imagery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because nothing encourages the worship of a
loving God like looking at endless images of people, including the faithful, being brutally
murdered!</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-76484742882157044992014-11-01T13:50:00.000-07:002014-11-01T13:50:50.417-07:00European Adventures Part I: The Pomp of the Polish Pulpit<!--[if !mso]>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Dear readers, you may, or more likely may
not, have noticed that I have been AWOL for a little while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, that is because the past few weeks I
was gallivanting around Europe attending a wedding, recovering from a wedding,
and trying to determine the blood-alcohol content of the average Polish wedding
guest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Answer: not enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More vodka!)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The wedding, at the Benedictine Abbey in Tyniec
near Krakow, was beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Definitely
the loveliest ceremony I have attended that I could not understand a word
of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I got the names of the bride
and groom, and Christ was in there, although I’m pretty sure it was spelled “Krwyzctzyc.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But besides the joy of being present for two
good friends signing a lifetime contract of love and devotion, I got to see
this amazing church.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GxiCujq6I8w/VFU60H2vBgI/AAAAAAAABgw/AqDSTMdiEyk/s1600/Church_of_St.Peter_and_St.Paul_(Benedictine_Monastery)%2C_interior%2C_37_Benedykty%C5%84ska_street%2C_Tyniec%2C_Krakow%2C_Poland.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GxiCujq6I8w/VFU60H2vBgI/AAAAAAAABgw/AqDSTMdiEyk/s1600/Church_of_St.Peter_and_St.Paul_(Benedictine_Monastery)%2C_interior%2C_37_Benedykty%C5%84ska_street%2C_Tyniec%2C_Krakow%2C_Poland.jpg" height="430" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Church_of_St.Peter_and_St.Paul_%28Benedictine_Monastery%29,_interior,_37_Benedykty%C5%84ska_street,_Tyniec,_Krakow,_Poland.jpg">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There is a lot of gold in there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll start with this pulpit,
which I sat behind and could not help but gaze upon.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WpQcQsud-iM/VFU60zVADOI/AAAAAAAABhA/RxHlOAzYJTU/s1600/Cropped%2Bpulpit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WpQcQsud-iM/VFU60zVADOI/AAAAAAAABhA/RxHlOAzYJTU/s1600/Cropped%2Bpulpit.jpg" height="640" width="318" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tyniec_-_Klasztor_-_Ambona.JPG">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The official explanation is that it is in
the shape of a ship, on which Jesus preached.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Personally, my first thought was that it looked like a fancy Victorian
ship-shaped bed with tassels and light-blocking curtains.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turns out that the curtains are a net to
catch these terrifying fishes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Os7JiipSbpE/VFU603d-jxI/AAAAAAAABg8/RAhhfOxE1Kk/s1600/Pulpit%2BFish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Os7JiipSbpE/VFU603d-jxI/AAAAAAAABg8/RAhhfOxE1Kk/s1600/Pulpit%2BFish.jpg" height="278" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Also featured but not showing up very well
in this photo: a series of golden tentacles emerging from the rock(?) on top of the boat.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aRW45p7wi-M/VFU61aME5XI/AAAAAAAABhI/5kMJWprdhEM/s1600/Pulpit%2BTentacles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aRW45p7wi-M/VFU61aME5XI/AAAAAAAABhI/5kMJWprdhEM/s1600/Pulpit%2BTentacles.jpg" height="320" width="231" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I might observe that the <a href="http://www.tyniec.benedyktyni.pl/en/guide-for-cloister/parts-of-cloister/the-church-nave/">church
website</a> explains, “The composition of the pulpit is crowned with a building
symbolising the Church with a figure of whorshipped Christ at the top.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I guess “whorshipping” goes along with the
blingy golden ship-bed of Christ?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Moving on to the altar center stage.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oT5berRDoUc/VFU6yaQVMwI/AAAAAAAABgY/Tp9cDNu9jgs/s1600/Altar%2BCropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oT5berRDoUc/VFU6yaQVMwI/AAAAAAAABgY/Tp9cDNu9jgs/s1600/Altar%2BCropped.jpg" height="640" width="560" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tyniec_-_Klasztor_-_O%C5%82tarz.JPG">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Plenty more gold, but we’ll take a look at
the painting in the middle…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fIicw-c1VRY/VFU6ymlF7qI/AAAAAAAABgg/r8kaK3pxF50/s1600/Altar%2BPainting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fIicw-c1VRY/VFU6ymlF7qI/AAAAAAAABgg/r8kaK3pxF50/s1600/Altar%2BPainting.jpg" height="640" width="356" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tyniec_-_Klasztor_-_Obraz.jpg">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Peter and Paul, the patrons of the church,
look up in awe at the divine world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although frankly even without the holy Trinity up there,
there is something unnerving about those angels.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_JaZoOkXsWc/VFU60L73CBI/AAAAAAAABgs/x2YfxSOrVms/s1600/Creepy%2BAngels.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_JaZoOkXsWc/VFU60L73CBI/AAAAAAAABgs/x2YfxSOrVms/s1600/Creepy%2BAngels.jpg" height="332" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Also, while Peter is usually depicted as
pretty svelte, here he looks a bit like Santa Claus in his nightgown.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OzvQMQEdqxw/VFU6yCdfIII/AAAAAAAABgU/k7c9vKdmqNw/s1600/Chubby%2BSt%2BPeter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OzvQMQEdqxw/VFU6yCdfIII/AAAAAAAABgU/k7c9vKdmqNw/s1600/Chubby%2BSt%2BPeter.jpg" height="640" width="432" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The last striking thing was this angel wielding
an upside-down cross.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2vF4Gq9my9c/VFU602Fgx4I/AAAAAAAABhE/dKMXXjYcD7I/s1600/Cross.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2vF4Gq9my9c/VFU602Fgx4I/AAAAAAAABhE/dKMXXjYcD7I/s1600/Cross.jpg" height="400" width="285" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is probably symbolizing Peter again,
who was crucified upside-down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
the way that angel is holding it is less like he’s supporting a noble symbol,
and more like he’s going to fling it down and impale some unsuspecting people
below.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In conclusion, congratulations and best
wishes to G&K, and Polish churches are awesome!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now know where to go in case of a
global financial meltdown when gold becomes the only acceptable currency.</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-19512722535839203292014-10-12T14:10:00.000-07:002014-10-12T14:10:40.712-07:00This One Pic Will Blow Your Notions of Moses Out Of The Water<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US">Ok, more like it will fish them out of the
water, where they have been stored in a waterproof basket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that doesn’t help me practice my Preposterous Clickbait Title Generation Skills.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Moses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You may be familiar with him as that guy who talked to flaming
shrubbery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or who told his brother to
turn all the water in Egypt into the world’s biggest blood bank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or who really hated golden livestock (but
magical bronze snakes were ok).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, today
we’re going to look back on an episode Before He Was Famous.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">The story goes that in Egypt the Pharaoh
was none too impressed with the Hebrew people thriving, so he wanted all the
infant boys murdered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To save her baby,
Young Moses’ mother hid him in a basket and put it in the river.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pharaoh’s daughter went to bathe in the river
with some handmaidens and was like “OMG what a cute basket!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wait, there is a live baby in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That will make it harder to hold Daddy’s
collection of dead babies.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But ultimately
she decides to let the baby live for some reason.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_Q2y3SWIBSA/VDrqKRu5QDI/AAAAAAAABfs/9LwUWwGevFc/s1600/A17104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_Q2y3SWIBSA/VDrqKRu5QDI/AAAAAAAABfs/9LwUWwGevFc/s1600/A17104.jpg" height="640" width="482" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>The Finding of Moses</i>, Veronese, probably 1570/1575 (<a href="http://www.nga.gov/content/ngaweb/Collection/art-object-page.45.html">Source</a>)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This painting depicts this episode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would just like to point out that this is supposed
to be the princess of Egypt.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1AeTLYRiFak/VDrqKwefwII/AAAAAAAABfc/ZJYeR48tiRw/s1600/Princess%2Bof%2BEgypt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1AeTLYRiFak/VDrqKwefwII/AAAAAAAABfc/ZJYeR48tiRw/s1600/Princess%2Bof%2BEgypt.jpg" height="391" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have seen vampires with more of a
tan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Additionally, the princess seems to have
brought along some more questionable “handmaidens” to her bath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like this one, who clearly thinks the lady
has become a basketcase…</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nF8VgoTeUlc/VDrqKsemWQI/AAAAAAAABfY/gXS-0sS_bdg/s1600/Handmaiden%2B1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nF8VgoTeUlc/VDrqKsemWQI/AAAAAAAABfY/gXS-0sS_bdg/s1600/Handmaiden%2B1.jpg" height="400" width="326" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Or this alternate-reality version of Tyrion
Lannister, who pursued his childhood dream of becoming a jester.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7Kd00w9dJ0Q/VDrqJ7aouXI/AAAAAAAABfM/wqkCQFGM-i0/s1600/Alternate%2BReality%2BTyrion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7Kd00w9dJ0Q/VDrqJ7aouXI/AAAAAAAABfM/wqkCQFGM-i0/s1600/Alternate%2BReality%2BTyrion.jpg" height="400" width="250" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Perhaps most striking, though, is what
these ladies are up to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b2SRLA125wI/VDrqJvQbrrI/AAAAAAAABfI/eegYhV5EUOw/s1600/AHHH%2BBABY%2BPLAGUE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-b2SRLA125wI/VDrqJvQbrrI/AAAAAAAABfI/eegYhV5EUOw/s1600/AHHH%2BBABY%2BPLAGUE.jpg" height="400" width="245" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">They are running around like “AHHHH!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>BABIES IN THE WATER!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope I didn’t get any on me!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you think it’s contagious?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Sadly, worse things were in store for Egypt
than a Plague of Water Babies.</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-3368456913135799772014-10-03T19:28:00.000-07:002014-10-03T19:28:05.333-07:00 Mini-Post: Madonna in the Sky with Disembodied Baby Heads<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US">…Ok, so maybe it’s not quite as catchy as
the Beatles’ tune.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-woY6QQO0X_s/VC9Tj-KoYiI/AAAAAAAABek/wy61JT51bC8/s1600/sc233.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-woY6QQO0X_s/VC9Tj-KoYiI/AAAAAAAABek/wy61JT51bC8/s1600/sc233.jpg" height="640" width="416" /><span id="goog_1883489347"></span><span id="goog_1883489348"></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Apparition of the Virgin – Girolamo da Carpi, 1530/1540</span></i></td></tr>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></i><span lang="EN-US">Three things with this painting:</span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B_1TGHqJgYs/VC9TiwDBFdI/AAAAAAAABeQ/h84rk0jQsOA/s1600/Baby%2BSeat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B_1TGHqJgYs/VC9TiwDBFdI/AAAAAAAABeQ/h84rk0jQsOA/s1600/Baby%2BSeat.jpg" height="320" width="272" /></a></div>
1. Baby angels apparently make great seats.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XKo3VEQ-CXw/VC9TiiNO7xI/AAAAAAAABeM/Z43uXD78nQ4/s1600/Creepy%2BDisembodied%2BBaby%2BHeads.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XKo3VEQ-CXw/VC9TiiNO7xI/AAAAAAAABeM/Z43uXD78nQ4/s1600/Creepy%2BDisembodied%2BBaby%2BHeads.jpg" height="306" width="320" /></a></div>
2. WHAT IS WITH THE CREEPY BABY FACES ALL THE TIME. Seriously, 16th century Italian painters. Just stop.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oSdlGuTRTfw/VC9TiolSz5I/AAAAAAAABeI/yIOejXfJOu4/s1600/Wind%2BSock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oSdlGuTRTfw/VC9TiolSz5I/AAAAAAAABeI/yIOejXfJOu4/s1600/Wind%2BSock.jpg" height="320" width="236" /></a></div>
3. So a woman appears in the sky surrounded by light and carried by angels, and this guy goes, "Hey, this would be a great time to play with a wind sock!"<br /><br />
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Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-50210802779627840592014-09-27T20:23:00.000-07:002014-09-27T20:23:45.960-07:00Revenge of the Babies<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="index heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of figures"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s been several weeks now since creepy naked babies have played a major role in this blog. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recently
stumbled across the works of 15<sup>th</sup> century Italian painter Andrea del
Sarto, who provided more fodder for this category than I had ever imagined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that he must have had some kind of
complex about children, because almost every one he painted looks ready to
devour your soul, but he painted them ALL THE TIME. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like, maybe he killed a baby once and its ghost
haunted him in revenge forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is
the only explanation I can think of for these paintings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is one of the most normal ones.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KrKAuRkbC94/VCdzfHDrriI/AAAAAAAABc0/k_tj7t__i9w/s1600/Andrea_del_sarto%2C_sacra_famiglia_borgherini%2C_con_san_giovannino%2C_1528-29_ca..JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KrKAuRkbC94/VCdzfHDrriI/AAAAAAAABc0/k_tj7t__i9w/s1600/Andrea_del_sarto%2C_sacra_famiglia_borgherini%2C_con_san_giovannino%2C_1528-29_ca..JPG" height="640" width="512" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>The Holy Family with the Infant Saint John
the Baptist</i>, Andrea del Sarto, c. 1530 (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Andrea_del_sarto,_sacra_famiglia_borgherini,_con_san_giovannino,_1528-29_ca..JPG">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is a remarkably reasonable-looking
baby Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The main reason it stuck out
to me was the slightly wicked smirk on his face as he grasps the globe of power
in his chubby baby hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QR6hzyflX-Y/VCdzhabQy4I/AAAAAAAABdc/W5DimeUFyoU/s1600/World%2BDomination%2BBaby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QR6hzyflX-Y/VCdzhabQy4I/AAAAAAAABdc/W5DimeUFyoU/s1600/World%2BDomination%2BBaby.jpg" height="398" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, Baby God, the world is your
plaything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you don’t have to look so
happy about toying with your human puppets.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span lang="EN-US">Things get weirder.</span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lKoSe2udtUA/VCdzhLFvvzI/AAAAAAAABds/hl2CB9VtJig/s1600/The_Holy_Family_with_the_young_Saint_John_the_Baptist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lKoSe2udtUA/VCdzhLFvvzI/AAAAAAAABds/hl2CB9VtJig/s1600/The_Holy_Family_with_the_young_Saint_John_the_Baptist.jpg" height="640" width="508" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>The Holy Family with the Young Saint John
the Baptist</i>, Andrea del Sarto (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_Holy_Family_with_the_young_Saint_John_the_Baptist.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is the same general theme as the
previous one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except here, besides Mary
having a head the size of a coconut, Young Saint John looks like he is about to
cheerfully skewer Baby Jesus’ eyeball with his delicate cross-scepter. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dsTt8P_ZlSw/VCdzaSEiojI/AAAAAAAABcQ/dSCIk-CE1Zo/s1600/A23342.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dsTt8P_ZlSw/VCdzaSEiojI/AAAAAAAABcQ/dSCIk-CE1Zo/s1600/A23342.jpg" height="640" width="498" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>Charity</i>, Andrea del Sarto, before 1530 (<a href="https://images.nga.gov/en/asset/show_zoom_window_popup.html?asset=119229&location=grid&asset_list=61181,60659,104675,47173,119367,73843,119229&basket_item_id=undefined">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">THIS IS NOT THE FACE OF A NORMAL CHILD. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jllt-hVaI6A/VCdzffu8a9I/AAAAAAAABcw/LV87my9V2rM/s1600/Creepy%2BKid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jllt-hVaI6A/VCdzffu8a9I/AAAAAAAABcw/LV87my9V2rM/s1600/Creepy%2BKid.jpg" height="375" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Seriously, what does this guy think of
Charity?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nhrA3CZFT50/VCdzZ3-8qtI/AAAAAAAABcU/jSIOKgcL0sA/s1600/Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Charity_-_WGA00368.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nhrA3CZFT50/VCdzZ3-8qtI/AAAAAAAABcU/jSIOKgcL0sA/s1600/Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Charity_-_WGA00368.jpg" height="640" width="466" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>Charity</i>, Andrea del Sarto, c. 1518 (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Charity_-_WGA00368.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am not sure if the one on the left wants
to take some kindly offered breast-sustenance in exchange for some poor little
bird he’s caught, or if he is going to devour her flesh. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, this time the third kid at the bottom just
cannot take this anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That poor woman looks
like she needs a week’s sleep, and possibly a fifth of vodka.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lf0JUsIrDl4/VCdzcurbseI/AAAAAAAABck/SsRpqZKXtRk/s1600/Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Madonna_delle_Arpie_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lf0JUsIrDl4/VCdzcurbseI/AAAAAAAABck/SsRpqZKXtRk/s1600/Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Madonna_delle_Arpie_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" height="640" width="538" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>Madonna with the Harpies</i>, Andrea del Sarto,
c. 1517 (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Madonna_delle_Arpie_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">PUT THE BABY DOWN, MARY!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>RUN BEFORE HE GETS YOUR THROAT!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nyi4RCBt_FA/VCdzf4g5uRI/AAAAAAAABc4/wHPHEkdkE7I/s1600/Damien%2BBaby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nyi4RCBt_FA/VCdzf4g5uRI/AAAAAAAABc4/wHPHEkdkE7I/s1600/Damien%2BBaby.jpg" height="352" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Also, I am concerned for this creature.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FLOm45xpjMI/VCdzgUp6dsI/AAAAAAAABdE/bTT7vpljwB8/s1600/Spasming%2BCherub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FLOm45xpjMI/VCdzgUp6dsI/AAAAAAAABdE/bTT7vpljwB8/s1600/Spasming%2BCherub.jpg" height="305" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Its expression is a recurring theme.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-th-PxRXWaGI/VCd0Ry8p4ZI/AAAAAAAABd0/d5vQvvY6V14/s1600/Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Madonna_and_Child_with_St_Elisabeth%2C_the_Infant_St_John%2C_and_Two_Angels_-_WGA00373.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-th-PxRXWaGI/VCd0Ry8p4ZI/AAAAAAAABd0/d5vQvvY6V14/s1600/Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Madonna_and_Child_with_St_Elisabeth%2C_the_Infant_St_John%2C_and_Two_Angels_-_WGA00373.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>Madonna and Child with Saint Elizabeth, the
Infant Saint John, and Two Angels</i>, Andrea del Sarto, c. 1515-1516 (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Andrea_del_Sarto_-_Madonna_and_Child_with_St_Elisabeth,_the_Infant_St_John,_and_Two_Angels_-_WGA00373.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">What kind of freaky adolescent angel
makeout session is going on right over Mary and Baby’s heads??<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eXaqFGm6vmk/VCdzevms0ZI/AAAAAAAABco/Akmjd6oX2bE/s1600/Angel%2BMake-Out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eXaqFGm6vmk/VCdzevms0ZI/AAAAAAAABco/Akmjd6oX2bE/s1600/Angel%2BMake-Out.jpg" height="529" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I’ve heard of divine ecstasy, but this is
not what I had envisioned.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I leave you with this.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5PsttRJrsUc/VCdzdOn9q2I/AAAAAAAABcg/5mYS7lJReng/s1600/Andrea_del_sarto%2C_matrimonio_mistico_di_s._caterina%2C_dresda.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5PsttRJrsUc/VCdzdOn9q2I/AAAAAAAABcg/5mYS7lJReng/s1600/Andrea_del_sarto%2C_matrimonio_mistico_di_s._caterina%2C_dresda.jpg" height="640" width="466" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>Mystical Marriage of St. Catherine</i>, Andrea
del Sarto, c. 1513 (<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Andrea_del_sarto,_matrimonio_mistico_di_s._caterina,_dresda.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Besides the uncomfortable implications of
mystically marrying <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">baby</i>-version
Jesus, the dull, empty eye sockets of all the small people in this painting remind
me uncomfortably of ghouls in Japanese horror movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s before even considering this
ginger baby strangling a lamb with a grin, with some deformed dog-dragon thing
without eyes desperately panting for a taste.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fK1T89ABodY/VCdzfzFeRlI/AAAAAAAABc8/Td0WQLxP1aY/s1600/Eyeless%2BDragon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fK1T89ABodY/VCdzfzFeRlI/AAAAAAAABc8/Td0WQLxP1aY/s1600/Eyeless%2BDragon.jpg" height="441" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I should really stop writing these before
bed.</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-88610823138697992992014-09-21T19:22:00.000-07:002014-09-21T19:22:02.297-07:00You Don’t Know (Union) Jack<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">In a historic vote this week, either
Scotland tried and failed to gain independence, or Scottish nationalists tried
and failed to break up a venerable union.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Depends on your perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
any case, the United Kingdom remains united, so on this occasion I present a
representation of British determination in the past.</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sWv5Kvjzp7g/VB-GQiOMZmI/AAAAAAAABbI/yP6dX0r1gVA/s1600/Philip_James_de_Loutherbourg_-_The_Battle_of_Alexandria%2C_21_March_1801_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sWv5Kvjzp7g/VB-GQiOMZmI/AAAAAAAABbI/yP6dX0r1gVA/s1600/Philip_James_de_Loutherbourg_-_The_Battle_of_Alexandria%2C_21_March_1801_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg" height="448" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Battle of Alexandria, 21 March 1801</span></i><span lang="EN-US"> – Philip James
de Loutherbourg, 1802 (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Philip_James_de_Loutherbourg_-_The_Battle_of_Alexandria,_21_March_1801_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg">Source</a>)</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></i><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So according to my diligent Wikipedia
research, on March 21, 1801 the British fought the French while en route to
Alexandria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I am sure you would never
have guessed from the painting title.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But I am not a historian.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just look at pictures and make snide
comments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So let the snideness commence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z8pqIUfF8no/VB-GQ234G2I/AAAAAAAABbM/guOJkKOZoqI/s1600/Scotsman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z8pqIUfF8no/VB-GQ234G2I/AAAAAAAABbM/guOJkKOZoqI/s1600/Scotsman.jpg" height="640" width="384" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">Fun fact: Scotsmen get a tassel on their
sporran for every pub brawl they win.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Here is a Scottish soldier, pointing as if
to say, “Should we no be goin’ intae that battle now?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NA0d0Fpe5HE/VB-GPm3HVRI/AAAAAAAABa8/V-U8nlFFOBY/s1600/Lethargic%2BCommander.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NA0d0Fpe5HE/VB-GPm3HVRI/AAAAAAAABa8/V-U8nlFFOBY/s1600/Lethargic%2BCommander.jpg" height="640" width="522" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">Leg injury, or latest European Leg Scarf
fashion?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The commander, however, is injured, and looks
either too drunk or too lethargic to make a move.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mr. Sassy behind him is not about to endorse
any plan that might get blood splatters all over his good red coat. The guy
with the spyglass is like, “Hmm…by jove, he’s right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There IS a battle going on!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L0xgX5pjCJw/VB-GRr1cvJI/AAAAAAAABbc/0d1ywI6OdUo/s1600/Unimpressed%2BBobsey%2BTriplets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L0xgX5pjCJw/VB-GRr1cvJI/AAAAAAAABbc/0d1ywI6OdUo/s1600/Unimpressed%2BBobsey%2BTriplets.jpg" height="374" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">The Bobbsey Triplets are distinctly
unimpressed.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There is further dissention within the ranks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These men angrily say, “This man is not to be
trusted!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is both ginger and wearing a
skirt!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-68cOYbY5UTU/VB-GPQT6fZI/AAAAAAAABa4/YkatO4ipxqs/s1600/Horse%2BBum%2BCuddling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-68cOYbY5UTU/VB-GPQT6fZI/AAAAAAAABa4/YkatO4ipxqs/s1600/Horse%2BBum%2BCuddling.jpg" height="400" width="252" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Of course, it was a terrifying event, and
not everyone was smug.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of them
would rather nuzzle a horse’s bum than join the fray.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZbVg6iGJ-1M/VB-GQtHd__I/AAAAAAAABbQ/HlwIkEY-GZk/s1600/Sally%2BForth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZbVg6iGJ-1M/VB-GQtHd__I/AAAAAAAABbQ/HlwIkEY-GZk/s1600/Sally%2BForth.jpg" height="550" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">“I say, shall we sally forth?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Quite so, sir!”</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is not to say that no one is keen to
go fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These two are riding out with
all the gusto of gentlemen heading to the hunt.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The biggest question remains, however: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bfLMEKWhg3o/VB-GRTmQp5I/AAAAAAAABbU/cnv3mi5xg-Y/s1600/Uhhh...Guys.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bfLMEKWhg3o/VB-GRTmQp5I/AAAAAAAABbU/cnv3mi5xg-Y/s1600/Uhhh...Guys.jpg" height="322" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">Uhh…guys?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Why is everyone in this little pow-wow
ignoring the man spasming on the ground on top of a crate like three feet
away?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, I understand that it’s a
battle and there are dead people everywhere, but he seems to be flailing around
as if to say, “Hello!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still alive
here!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe he’s not injured, and he
just tripped and fell while carrying the supplies?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In conclusion, throughout history there
have always been things that bring people together to work for a common
cause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes it is economic
stability, and sometimes it is beating up the French.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-43544330036366100122014-09-04T16:06:00.000-07:002014-09-04T16:06:12.654-07:00Immoral Women, Ho!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I was excited to discover recently that the
Dutch Rijksmuseum has a massive <a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/explore-the-collection">digitized
collection</a>, which has several convenient pre-sorted collections by artist, style,
story, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was even more entertained
to see that one of the subject sub-categories they offer under the “Daily Life”
heading is “<a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/explore-the-collection/subjects/immoral-women">Immoral
Women</a>.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Ah ha</span></i><span lang="EN-US">, I thought to myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">SARFT gold mine SCORE</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I immediately clicked it open, and was
treated to the image of this brazen hussy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dxcCPvtLfdU/VAjq4Txi_JI/AAAAAAAABaE/FzIKA-ZcsFk/s1600/Mary%2BMagdalene%2C%2BJan%2Bvan%2BScorel%2C%2Bc.%2B1530.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dxcCPvtLfdU/VAjq4Txi_JI/AAAAAAAABaE/FzIKA-ZcsFk/s1600/Mary%2BMagdalene%2C%2BJan%2Bvan%2BScorel%2C%2Bc.%2B1530.jpg" height="556" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-372"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Mary Magdalene</span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">, Jan van Scorel, c. 1530</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">This is the very first
picture in the lineup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, I guess
she is fingering that ointment jar somewhat alluringly, but otherwise I have
seen more immoral lampshades.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According
to the website’s description, Mary Magdalene’s luxurious clothing is “a
reference to her reputed past as a prostitute.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let me tell you, I Googled Dutch Prostitutes, and none of them were
dressed like that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The next two paintings
were on the same subject, so here is a representative sample:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ag1vPONRPnE/VAjq27odwfI/AAAAAAAABZ0/inDJ0auPHTM/s1600/Bathsheba%2Bat%2Bher%2BToilet%2C%2BCornelis%2BCornelisz.%2Bvan%2BHaarlem%2C%2B1594%2B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ag1vPONRPnE/VAjq27odwfI/AAAAAAAABZ0/inDJ0auPHTM/s1600/Bathsheba%2Bat%2Bher%2BToilet%2C%2BCornelis%2BCornelisz.%2Bvan%2BHaarlem%2C%2B1594%2B.jpg" height="640" width="520" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-3892"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Bathsheba at her Toilet</span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">, Cornelis Cornelisz. van Haarlem, 1594</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-3892"><b><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></b></a></span><b><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This one has female nudity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking a bath - scandalous!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, I would like to dwell for a moment of on the <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+11">story of Bathsheba</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This beautiful married lady
Bathsheba takes a bath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(With a name like that, I guess she couldn't help herself.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>King David sees her from afar and
goes, “I’d hit that.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So he sends
“messengers” to escort her to his room, and “</span><span lang="EN-US">he lay
with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She conceives a child, so David sends her
husband to the front line of a particularly intense battle to be killed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She mourns her dead husband, but David marries
her as soon as a socially acceptable time period has passed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So for art categorization purposes, taking a bath while female will ultimately make you dirty, never mind the man who forcibly
drags a married woman to sleep with him and offs her husband for his own
purposes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Being irritated by this, I checked, but the museum does not have a
“Jerkwad Men of the Bible” collection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or rather they do, but it is under <a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/explore-the-collection/subjects/old-testament">another
name</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amusing note: “Monkeys” is
listed as a related subcategory under Old Testament.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span lang="EN-US">Sorry. Mini-rant over. </span>Moving on with the immoral femininity:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bRXVBq0Wb0U/VAjq4bYFvcI/AAAAAAAABaM/PgKWhrulbJ4/s1600/Man%2Band%2BWoman%2Bat%2Ba%2BSpinning%2BWheel%2C%2BPieter%2BPietersz.%2B(I)%2C%2Bc.%2B1560%2B-%2Bc.%2B1570%2B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bRXVBq0Wb0U/VAjq4bYFvcI/AAAAAAAABaM/PgKWhrulbJ4/s1600/Man%2Band%2BWoman%2Bat%2Ba%2BSpinning%2BWheel%2C%2BPieter%2BPietersz.%2B%28I%29%2C%2Bc.%2B1560%2B-%2Bc.%2B1570%2B.jpg" height="640" width="528" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-3962"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Man and Woman at a Spinning Wheel</span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">, Pieter Pietersz. (I), c. 1560 - c. 1570 </span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-3962"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Because nothing says “loose
woman” like sitting covered head to toe, with sleeves and a collar that would
make a defensive lineman feel more secure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Also, I am not sure why she has tentacles protruding from her bonnet; I
guess that’s kind of risqué, if you’re into that sort of thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The guy seems pretty intent on breaching the
perimeter, but again, she’s just doing her thing and ignoring him. I guess in
the 16<sup>th</sup> century holding sheep wool was super sexxay, so she’s
totally an immoral fiend.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gjYStgTP4QE/VAjq7g7eweI/AAAAAAAABac/1EYEHV_qz18/s1600/Woman%2Bat%2Bher%2BToilet%2C%2BJan%2BHavicksz.%2BSteen%2C%2B1655%2B-%2B1660.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gjYStgTP4QE/VAjq7g7eweI/AAAAAAAABac/1EYEHV_qz18/s1600/Woman%2Bat%2Bher%2BToilet%2C%2BJan%2BHavicksz.%2BSteen%2C%2B1655%2B-%2B1660.jpg" height="640" width="462" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-4052"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Woman at her Toilet</span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">, Jan Havicksz. Steen, 1655 - 1660</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-4052"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I guess I forgot to
mention this post was NSFW because OMG LOOK AT ANKLE!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Totally hawt sock removal right there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nice glimpse of side-thigh, too, to get your
juices going.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cY-pepqZteg/VAjq6q3AU5I/AAAAAAAABaU/w4zyl_nbhIY/s1600/The%2BMartyrdom%2Bof%2BSaint%2BLucy%2C%2BMaster%2Bof%2Bthe%2BFigdor%2BDeposition%2C%2Bc.%2B1505%2B-%2Bc.%2B1510.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cY-pepqZteg/VAjq6q3AU5I/AAAAAAAABaU/w4zyl_nbhIY/s1600/The%2BMartyrdom%2Bof%2BSaint%2BLucy%2C%2BMaster%2Bof%2Bthe%2BFigdor%2BDeposition%2C%2Bc.%2B1505%2B-%2Bc.%2B1510.jpg" height="640" width="490" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-1688"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The Martyrdom of Saint Lucy</span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">, Master of the Figdor Deposition, c. 1505 - c.
1510 </span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection/SK-A-1688"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Ok, Rijksmuseum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now you are taking the piss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">This painting is
worthy of a post on its own, but for present Immoral Woman-themed purposes, my
limited understanding of the story of </span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Lucy"><span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Saint Lucy</span></a></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"> is as follows: she dedicated her virginity to
God, convinced her mother to give away her dowry to the poor, and was burned at
the stake when she refused to make a pagan sacrifice and efforts to put her in
a brothel failed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except that she
wouldn’t burn, either, so she was stabbed to death, as depicted here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dijh2TBevFQ/VAjq5HMaznI/AAAAAAAABaA/CkykG7gDOmI/s1600/Stabby%2BLady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dijh2TBevFQ/VAjq5HMaznI/AAAAAAAABaA/CkykG7gDOmI/s1600/Stabby%2BLady.jpg" height="640" width="547" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Pure is the new immoral</span></i><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">.</span></div>
</td></tr>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The museum certainly
seems to have a sense of humor – I particularly enjoy that in addition to being
able to download high-res copies of the works, they also encourage you to put
them on other objects such as smartphone covers, or your car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can also gather images to make your own collections
and share them on the site.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I
know what the title of my first collection should be...</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-57848794874967911342014-08-30T11:26:00.000-07:002014-08-30T11:26:25.529-07:00Point/Counterpoint: Economic Systems Edition<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US">Happy Labor Day weekend!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought that for the occasion I would
feature some early union/anti-union posters, but had a hard time finding quite what
I was looking for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the process of
searching, though, I found the following. Let us observe a snapshot of the
socialism/capitalism debate a century ago.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">First up: an industrial unionist poster
from 1911.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dmCZsOOfnnQ/VAISbo7w_oI/AAAAAAAABZk/nmqvHOquO8M/s1600/Pyramid_of_Capitalist_System.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dmCZsOOfnnQ/VAISbo7w_oI/AAAAAAAABZk/nmqvHOquO8M/s1600/Pyramid_of_Capitalist_System.png" height="640" width="492" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pyramid_of_Capitalist_System.png">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The Pyramid of the Capitalist System!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look at those hard workers at the bottom
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you know how difficult it is
to frolick so delicately with a hammer?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pzHZ5z8GVXQ/VAISbMtz54I/AAAAAAAABY8/NRFLYN1VWNU/s1600/Hammer%2BFrolick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pzHZ5z8GVXQ/VAISbMtz54I/AAAAAAAABY8/NRFLYN1VWNU/s1600/Hammer%2BFrolick.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">Of course, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">some</i> people are just idle layabouts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qN5xv758qBM/VAIScvqxtgI/AAAAAAAABZM/Lxbwif_-bfc/s1600/Unconscious.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qN5xv758qBM/VAIScvqxtgI/AAAAAAAABZM/Lxbwif_-bfc/s1600/Unconscious.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">So what if you’re 8 years old?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s no excuse for passing out after a measly
10 hour day at the mill!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look, your
laziness is making that other little girl support society with a shovel.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JiQ9sOoumkA/VAISb6Nl-NI/AAAAAAAABZI/l-CGJzYYo8c/s1600/Shooting%2Band%2BStabbing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JiQ9sOoumkA/VAISb6Nl-NI/AAAAAAAABZI/l-CGJzYYo8c/s1600/Shooting%2Band%2BStabbing.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Somewhat ironically, the “Eating” class
doesn’t have any food on the table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Plenty of booze, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
shooting people look more equipped for stabbing would-be social climbers than
shooting anything – I’m not sure about the effectiveness of a cannon at the
necessary angle.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_6gyygaMmbo/VAISawwHClI/AAAAAAAABY4/Y_cVwuT0RMI/s1600/Capitalist%2BTrinities.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_6gyygaMmbo/VAISawwHClI/AAAAAAAABY4/Y_cVwuT0RMI/s1600/Capitalist%2BTrinities.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">Interestingly, there is an equal number of
religious charlatans and rulers (darned trinitarianism!), so in this case the lower tier has more luxurious
space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cooler capes and robes, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Good effort, socialist unionist propaganda.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But you have made a critical error.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This poster expects the viewer to take in, like, five whole categories
of societal representation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it has
over <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">two dozen words</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have greatly overestimated the attention
span of the population.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">1909 Conservative Party poster, show us how
it is done.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r__XrxsGYww/VAISb0CipQI/AAAAAAAABZQ/rUb2I7C6qFQ/s1600/Socialism_Throttling_the_Country.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r__XrxsGYww/VAISb0CipQI/AAAAAAAABZQ/rUb2I7C6qFQ/s1600/Socialism_Throttling_the_Country.jpg" height="640" width="408" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Socialism_Throttling_the_Country.jpg">Source</a>)</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Socialism is a DEMON MONKEY FROM HELL that
will STRANGLE THE WOMEN.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The end.</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-80276011735095562952014-08-23T08:01:00.000-07:002014-08-23T08:01:20.037-07:00DC Art: Commemorating Military Instruction (And Bird Molestation)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<span lang="EN-US">One day, I was walking by Lafayette Square near the White House.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were
a number of statues scattered around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Statues are fairly ubiquitous in the area, usually featuring slightly
pompous, noble-looking men, sometimes with naked ladies and/or eagles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I didn’t pay them much mind as I strolled,
until I glanced up and realized these particular statues offered so much more.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rmZDVbUGkgs/U_ilXr_GZkI/AAAAAAAABYU/h8YSFPditkQ/s1600/PICT0073.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rmZDVbUGkgs/U_ilXr_GZkI/AAAAAAAABYU/h8YSFPditkQ/s1600/PICT0073.JPG" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">Like this one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Commemoration,” it says.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It raises a number of questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Commemoration of what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The time that dude with the flowing locks and bulging pecs engaged in
bondage play with the young, nubile pool boy under the trees?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Is</i>
that a man?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is it a woman with a steroid problem?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L4cCyNaHseg/U_ilXmWOVVI/AAAAAAAABYY/8cVZWTz_-FI/s1600/PICT0076.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-L4cCyNaHseg/U_ilXmWOVVI/AAAAAAAABYY/8cVZWTz_-FI/s1600/PICT0076.JPG" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">Here we have a badass lady, who is clothed
for once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is accompanied by an eagle
who is clearly trying to cop a feel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, this is one bird who knows how to handle her birds, as she
says, “Touch my ass ONE MORE TIME and I will liberate your head from your neck.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Finally, this was the one that first caught
my eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately it also had the
worst lighting, but you get the idea.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2KwX8pN18a0/U_ilXAM6BuI/AAAAAAAABYQ/1QIMy4c4coU/s1600/PICT0074.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2KwX8pN18a0/U_ilXAM6BuI/AAAAAAAABYQ/1QIMy4c4coU/s1600/PICT0074.JPG" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">Now, I have never been in the military, but
I confess that I had a slightly different mental image of what Military
Instruction entails.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This seems to be a
man saying, “All right, boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take all
your clothes off and get over here, so I can show you how to handle your sword.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I imagine the sculptor had submitted this
design as a sarcastic joke, and then someone in the commissioning committee was
like, “YES!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is exactly how to
encapsulate the raw intimacy of teaching military skill, and the rush of learning
to thrust your weapon into another man!” And thus art was made.</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-36161219785560282222014-08-17T08:07:00.001-07:002014-08-17T08:07:48.632-07:00He’s Baaaaaaaack<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US"> </span><span lang="EN-US">Another quick one this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many moons ago I brought to you the touching
image of <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/2012/07/jesus-limbo-champion.html">Jesus
bringing pizza to souls stuck in limbo</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well, it turns out that picture was a part of a series of paintings on
Jesus’ life, post-life, and after-life shenanigans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And apparently besides flattening Satan with
a garage door, his hobbies included squashing people with giant marble slabs.</span></div>
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ULY9ajlfzoU/U_DDtgV4hGI/AAAAAAAABYA/HwMNuyZ5ZpQ/s1600/Benvenuto%2Bdi%2BGiovanni%2B-%2BThe%2BResurrection.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ULY9ajlfzoU/U_DDtgV4hGI/AAAAAAAABYA/HwMNuyZ5ZpQ/s1600/Benvenuto%2Bdi%2BGiovanni%2B-%2BThe%2BResurrection.jpg" height="564" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Resurrection</span></i><span lang="EN-US"> – Benvenuto di Giovanni, c. 1491 (<a href="http://www.nga.gov/content/ngaweb/Collection/art-object-page.41670.html">Source</a>)</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Now, I guess I missed the part of the
resurrection story where, upon Jesus’ triumphant return from kicking demonic
booty, he murders a legion of Roman soldiers standing guard around his
tomb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-h5s9utwwFU4/U_DDsdCVC7I/AAAAAAAABX0/xURUzN8z7Yw/s1600/Broken%2BBodies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-h5s9utwwFU4/U_DDsdCVC7I/AAAAAAAABX0/xURUzN8z7Yw/s1600/Broken%2BBodies.jpg" height="358" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span lang="EN-US">The little-known fate of Naughtius Maximus,
Sillius Soddus, and Biggus Dickus.</span></td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US">Random aside – I was unaware that Roman
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Anyway, I think that Mary and the other
ladies might have had more to say about their tomb visit if they had to reach
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directions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hey guys!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Disciples!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Jesus is back – AND THIS TIME HE’S PISSED OFF!!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tZJEwNuRY9w/U_DDsTIHmjI/AAAAAAAABXw/bw-2YtErtHM/s1600/Behold.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tZJEwNuRY9w/U_DDsTIHmjI/AAAAAAAABXw/bw-2YtErtHM/s1600/Behold.jpg" height="295" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">He looks a bit tired, with some
72-hours-in-hell shadow, but still more than badass enough to take on half a
dozen soldiers, armed only with a high-end kitchen counter.</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-26351271945611712752014-08-07T15:26:00.000-07:002014-08-07T15:26:14.417-07:00Mini-Post: Toasty Baby Furnace<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Another nativity quickie:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W4TsYAjhM4I/U-P7QJxbMAI/AAAAAAAABXc/P4E8_1FaEaI/s1600/A24557.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W4TsYAjhM4I/U-P7QJxbMAI/AAAAAAAABXc/P4E8_1FaEaI/s1600/A24557.jpg" height="444" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Adoration of the Shepherds – </span></i><span lang="EN-US">Giovanni Girolamo
Savoldo, 1530s</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></i><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">My main concern with this one is that these shepherds
don’t look to be adoring him so much as huddling around him for warmth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not know much about babies, but I am pretty
sure if they are glowing and radiating enough heat to warm your hands, you should probably
be taking them to the doctor.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Also, the little vignette in the background
where the angel appears to the shepherds to say “Oy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go see this baby!” kind of looks like heaven
is about to rain divine fire or lasers down on these unsuspecting people.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-knE4E8e4eEo/U-P7L_PQ81I/AAAAAAAABXU/znfLNTvtQjE/s1600/Raining+Heaven%27s+Wrath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-knE4E8e4eEo/U-P7L_PQ81I/AAAAAAAABXU/znfLNTvtQjE/s1600/Raining+Heaven's+Wrath.jpg" height="320" width="304" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> Fortunately after pissing themselves in fear, there is a cracklin' baby fire waiting for them to dry off.</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-55678636079833385532014-08-02T17:04:00.000-07:002014-08-02T17:04:35.136-07:00The Nativity feat. St. Pincushion & the Fashionistas<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span lang="EN-US">The Nativity is one of those things that
gets painted a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Key elements usually
include Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph (maybe – as foster dad, he’s kind of ignored
sometimes), and some combination of wise men, shepherds, angels, or animals.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dhsh8lj7Y5o/U916emzMztI/AAAAAAAABXE/iDVPcikvQE0/s1600/sc1069.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dhsh8lj7Y5o/U916emzMztI/AAAAAAAABXE/iDVPcikvQE0/s1600/sc1069.jpg" height="640" width="512" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Nativity – </span></i><span lang="EN-US">Perino del Vaga, 1534</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></i><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">As far as paintings of the nativity go, I
quite like this one by Perino del Vaga.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
full of motion without being <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/2012/12/no-room-at-inn-angry-baby-summons.html">too
busy</a>, the figures are smooth, and there is lots of pretty color.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
it takes a bit of a creative perspective of who was at the birth of Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B1NQG8V4pGs/U916VrLCV5I/AAAAAAAABWo/gCUnC996AEs/s1600/John+the+Baptist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B1NQG8V4pGs/U916VrLCV5I/AAAAAAAABWo/gCUnC996AEs/s1600/John+the+Baptist.jpg" height="640" width="376" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">First off, we have Adult John the Baptist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Baby John the Baptist is often pictured with
Baby Jesus, or the adult versions of both, but the adult-baby combo is less
common.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>St. John was known for going
around wearing a garment of <a href="http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07113b.htm">camel’s
hair</a>, often worn as a symbol of mourning or penance, and generally thought
to be pretty uncomfortable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Del Vaga’s
St. John seems to prefer a silk ensemble with mink lining. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">But he’s got nothing on this guy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-v_lyrHIz-4M/U916Wuv0aOI/AAAAAAAABWw/BIOuYXDS6hk/s1600/St+Flaming+McFlamboyant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-v_lyrHIz-4M/U916Wuv0aOI/AAAAAAAABWw/BIOuYXDS6hk/s1600/St+Flaming+McFlamboyant.jpg" height="640" width="258" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I’m not immediately positive who this is
supposed to be, so we’ll call him St. Flamboyant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think his raiment was designed to be
visible from space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seems to be
pointing and commenting snidely to his companion at the lack of finery of one
of the other attendants of Young Christ: St. Target Practice.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6vfFO6RQYRM/U916V3v8wLI/AAAAAAAABWs/3y8myUTMGKI/s1600/Senor+Target+Practice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6vfFO6RQYRM/U916V3v8wLI/AAAAAAAABWs/3y8myUTMGKI/s1600/Senor+Target+Practice.jpg" height="640" width="490" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is St. Sebastian.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wikipedia’s sidebar information on him has a list
of his <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Sebastian">Attributes</a>: “Tied
to a post, pillar or a tree, shot by arrows, clubbed to death.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This could also be a list of “Things I would
not like to be remembered for.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He seems pretty spry for someone with half a
dozen arrow punctures oozing lifeblood everywhere, though. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Side note: in a delightful bit of Catholic irony, he is
also the <a href="http://www.saintsebastianchurch.org/patron.htm">patron saint
of archers</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The best part of this painting, though, is
baby Jesus himself.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ym8kTxY8PDs/U916VEN7ZYI/AAAAAAAABWk/E15vjHxdAx4/s1600/Disgusted+Baby+Jesus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ym8kTxY8PDs/U916VEN7ZYI/AAAAAAAABWk/E15vjHxdAx4/s1600/Disgusted+Baby+Jesus.jpg" height="320" width="310" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I can’t tell whether he is having a
seizure, or if he is an exceptionally young prodigy of the disgusted eyeroll
normally not perfected until the teenage years. It's as if he's saying, "Just stop adoring me and leave me alone already. This is so EMBARRASSING."</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-71686348784235667852014-07-24T14:33:00.000-07:002014-07-24T16:42:09.990-07:00It's Tough to Be the Queen - Part 10<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So, uh…I kind of let this series die.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Much like Marie let <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/its-tough-to-be-queen-part-9.html">her
husband die</a> hours after her coronation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But now I am coming at it with the Defibrillator of Derision, to
resuscitate the wonder that is the hubris of Marie de’ Medici. For the earlier
installments, see <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/p/the-medici-cycle.html">here</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So, the last time we checked in with the
Queen of Hearts (Which May or May Not Be Stabbed), she had just taken the reins
from her suddenly deceased husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Eagles shot lightning, snakes breathed fire, and bare-bosomed
personifications of France frolicked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The next painting, “Council of the Gods,”
does not actually feature Marie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although with a title like that, doubtless Marie would have thought she
fit right in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vjoE7b4TAJE/U9F3Z8SyvHI/AAAAAAAABV8/yyDWQ2RhWxA/s1600/Peter_Paul_Rubens_042.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vjoE7b4TAJE/U9F3Z8SyvHI/AAAAAAAABV8/yyDWQ2RhWxA/s1600/Peter_Paul_Rubens_042.jpg" height="342" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Instead, it focuses on the Greek gods,
lounging around and chatting in various states of undress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think more councils should take this
policy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, they tell you in public
speaking to envision everyone in the audience naked – imagine how much more
confidence everyone would have if it were true!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The exception to the happy lounging theme
here is over on the right, with these miserable-looking fellows being run out
of town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Gtfr_vGUDfo/U9F3bGogmYI/AAAAAAAABWE/peoCd2QOpHA/s1600/Torches+and+Snakes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Gtfr_vGUDfo/U9F3bGogmYI/AAAAAAAABWE/peoCd2QOpHA/s1600/Torches+and+Snakes.jpg" height="640" width="603" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">According to the oracle that is Wikipedia,
these represent “vices such as Discord, Hate, Fury, and Envy” who are being "overcome" by Apollo and Pallas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Frankly, I don’t know why they look so afraid
of their attackers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, they are armed
with torches and snakes, which seem like they would be far more effective at
such short range than their assailants’ weapons.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9-XY4tDDM5g/U9F3bOaPppI/AAAAAAAABWM/xkjm4yO-QLM/s1600/Terrifying+Fairy+and+Mop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9-XY4tDDM5g/U9F3bOaPppI/AAAAAAAABWM/xkjm4yO-QLM/s1600/Terrifying+Fairy+and+Mop.jpg" height="537" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Apollo comes at them with a bow, looking
more like he’s offering it to them than attacking them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must observe that for the god of the sun,
he is EXTREMELY pale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess in his
line of work he uses SPF 1,000,000?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Also, at first glance I thought that Pallas’ weapon of
choice here was a wildly brandished mop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Meanwhile, Venus tries to distract Mars
with the promise of sexytime with the goddess of love and beauty, but we can
all see to which glowing, nude figure Mars’ gaze is drawn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WbxWLMScnyI/U9F3Z171DoI/AAAAAAAABWQ/DhUEOxBytaA/s1600/Mars+Staring+At+Apollo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WbxWLMScnyI/U9F3Z171DoI/AAAAAAAABWQ/DhUEOxBytaA/s1600/Mars+Staring+At+Apollo.jpg" height="311" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So yeah, this one is considered “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_de%27_Medici_cycle#The_Council_of_the_Gods">one
of the least understood</a>” paintings in the Marie de’ Medici cycle,
presumably because it does not feature Marie de’ Medici.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This flaw is fixed in the next
painting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rFgwIgWMFnE/U9F3aQxtsNI/AAAAAAAABWU/DeJF9_8C3ug/s1600/Peter_Paul_Rubens_043.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rFgwIgWMFnE/U9F3aQxtsNI/AAAAAAAABWU/DeJF9_8C3ug/s1600/Peter_Paul_Rubens_043.jpg" height="640" width="478" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In “The Regent Militant: The Victory at
Jülich,” there is no doubt left to the imagination as to who is the most
important person in the universe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s
all like, “I am the QUEEN of FRANCE, bitches.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xcHE-CFJLAY/U9F3Z_24JAI/AAAAAAAABVw/9vy2neapiYg/s1600/Lion+Lady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xcHE-CFJLAY/U9F3Z_24JAI/AAAAAAAABVw/9vy2neapiYg/s1600/Lion+Lady.jpg" height="640" width="299" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Unfortunately she is mistaken in her choice
of terminology, because of course that is not a female dog in her entourage,
but rather a male lion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And frankly, I
am far more impressed by the somewhat demure lady patting the lion than I am by
the queen on her horse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there is one
thing we have learned from art, it is that being saddled up will not protect
you from an <a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/lions-and-tigers-and-leopards-oh-my.html">attack
of big cats</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The last detail I’ll observe here is this
guy, playing a horn:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5lgBy2_U7OQ/U9F3ae9XfhI/AAAAAAAABV0/yqZe-cmxRXQ/s1600/Smoking+Horn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5lgBy2_U7OQ/U9F3ae9XfhI/AAAAAAAABV0/yqZe-cmxRXQ/s1600/Smoking+Horn.jpg" height="400" width="160" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_de%27_Medici_cycle#The_Regent_Militant:_The_Victory_at_J.C3.BClich">Wikipedia description</a> says that “Fame in the
right side of the painting pushes air through the trumpet so powerfully that a
burst of smoke comes out.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take
this to mean that her fame, like most, was primarily blowing smoke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><i>All images found <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_de%27_Medici_cycle">here</a>.</i> </span></span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-47257528609359296242014-07-18T14:13:00.000-07:002014-07-18T14:27:07.049-07:00Judgment Day: Drug-Addled Torture Porn for Renaissance Germans<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So the other day, I said to myself, “You
know, self, you haven’t reviewed a freaky painting of hellish torture in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ages</i>.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So then, because I hadn’t had any
nightmares in a while, I looked up some Hieronymus Bosch paintings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the end, however, it was this copy of a
painting of the Last Judgment by German Renaissance painter Lucas Cranach the
Elder (modeled after Bosch) that jumped out at me as being particularly
special.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the post title subtly
suggests, it’s also not for the faint of heart, so to give those who don’t
appreciate images of people impaled on trees and dancing demon heads a chance
to leave, here is a picture of an adorable hedgehog with a raspberry.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.tehcute.com/pics/201109/hedgehog-holding-a-raspberry.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.tehcute.com/pics/201109/hedgehog-holding-a-raspberry.jpg" height="400" width="297" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.tehcute.com/hedgehog-holding-a-raspberry.html">Source</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Have we gotten rid of all the people who
prefer tastefulness and a balanced mental state?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Here we go.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-29nVR3ZFRHs/U8mLe2jwb4I/AAAAAAAABT4/sYhiPCqc7KI/s1600/Last+Judgement+-+Bosch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-29nVR3ZFRHs/U8mLe2jwb4I/AAAAAAAABT4/sYhiPCqc7KI/s1600/Last+Judgement+-+Bosch.jpg" height="640" width="494" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The
Last Judgment – Lucas Cranach the Elder, c. 1524 </span></i><span lang="EN-US">(<a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Lucas_Cranach_d.%C3%84._-_Fl%C3%BCgelaltar_mit_dem_J%C3%BCngsten_Gericht.jpg">Source</a>)</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></i><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Ok, so there is a lot going on here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Way too much here to look at every detail, so
we’ll just look at some highlights.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">First off, here is Jesus, busy judging people.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5rHI6ChPVKc/U8mLbEijl2I/AAAAAAAABTk/aaceZlPIHtE/s1600/God%2527s+Judgement.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5rHI6ChPVKc/U8mLbEijl2I/AAAAAAAABTk/aaceZlPIHtE/s1600/God%2527s+Judgement.jpg" height="384" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But the disciples are more interesting, huddling
and covering their faces in terror.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
guy on the right gestures to the scene below and says to his companion, “Good
heavens, I knew judgment would be rough, but I didn’t realize it would involve scimitar-wielding
demons wearing laundry baskets and UGG boots!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QsIp5-AuvSs/U8mLhBGeFuI/AAAAAAAABUo/J2PhaFCjsyA/s1600/Ugg+Booted+Scimitar+Hamper+Man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QsIp5-AuvSs/U8mLhBGeFuI/AAAAAAAABUo/J2PhaFCjsyA/s1600/Ugg+Booted+Scimitar+Hamper+Man.jpg" height="400" width="336" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Really, Mr. Scimitar Laundry Basket is the
least of the sinful soul’s worries at the end times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, you might be trussed up like a
pig, shot with an arrow by an anthropomorphic platypus, and hauled off to be
roasted as the supper of two heads with feet but no torsos, arms, or legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-h4Sbu78HHBg/U8mLgf6mwYI/AAAAAAAABUc/-C8Az_a2i40/s1600/Platypus+Dude+with+Man+on+Stick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-h4Sbu78HHBg/U8mLgf6mwYI/AAAAAAAABUc/-C8Az_a2i40/s1600/Platypus+Dude+with+Man+on+Stick.jpg" height="286" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">One of them looks like it really wants to
be a thief in a role-playing game, and the other is turning up to Hell’s Butterfly
Cosplay Contest straight from his job as a demonic chimneysweep.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ht-vIoZ-MGE/U8mLgKqvjOI/AAAAAAAABUQ/lifhHIaZqQc/s1600/Piss+and+Blood+Wine.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ht-vIoZ-MGE/U8mLgKqvjOI/AAAAAAAABUQ/lifhHIaZqQc/s1600/Piss+and+Blood+Wine.jpg" height="640" width="516" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Of course, for the gluttons, judgment has a
perpetual stream of piss funneled from a barrel directly into your mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So pretty much like a beer bong of Bud
Light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the more refined taste, in
the back a lady-demon is juicing a person into tasty Blood Wine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, a soulless head wearing a helmet rides a
booted seal to steal a plate of lizards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because JUDGMENT. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Not everything is terrible in the end
times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You might just meet some fun
folks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-337D3thepHo/U8mLgwdl1gI/AAAAAAAABVE/x6gt47S1hZk/s1600/Sexy+Lizard+Guard+Dance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-337D3thepHo/U8mLgwdl1gI/AAAAAAAABVE/x6gt47S1hZk/s1600/Sexy+Lizard+Guard+Dance.jpg" height="464" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Like this lady, flirting with that attractive
lizard man to the dulcet sounds of a monkey on a mandolin and a demon with a
very flexible neck tooting his own horn, so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another naked person reclines on a platform,
getting a massage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure about
the head with lizard feet and tail, a hat stolen from the seven dwarves, and out-of-control
ear gauges. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He doesn’t seem to approve
of the music.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zAwOIviq7W0/U8mLc0IwKeI/AAAAAAAABTs/jBYcWYyK144/s1600/Headless+Couple+Stabbing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zAwOIviq7W0/U8mLc0IwKeI/AAAAAAAABTs/jBYcWYyK144/s1600/Headless+Couple+Stabbing.jpg" height="470" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Not all mandolin-players are friendly
towards amorous couples, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
creature, who gets arms but no head for a change, successfully interrupts sexy
fun times with a more sinister impaling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Meanwhile, a man simultaneously gets his arm sawed off and tickled by
bird tongue in the armpit, all while skewered on a tree which may or may not be
on fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, in the back, a remarkably
calm-looking man in a skillet gets fried up for brunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is presumably to feed all the demons,
who will be hungry after a hard morning of torturing souls.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W3mVN5A0OdA/U8mLfKe9phI/AAAAAAAABVA/nZQluAecN4o/s1600/Lion+Swallowing+Fish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-W3mVN5A0OdA/U8mLfKe9phI/AAAAAAAABVA/nZQluAecN4o/s1600/Lion+Swallowing+Fish.jpg" height="320" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Other creatures that are hungry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This lion-hat, swallowing a fish whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If lion hats are not your style, you might
consider a stork helmet, or the popular Blindfolded Decapitated Head on a Plate
look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be sure to be classified as a
Hell Fashionista, all should be accentuated with a roadkill frog on a shield.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MdiTt0mMh7o/U8mLhbT2qPI/AAAAAAAABUw/2YxHJTg6dlw/s1600/Viserys+Treatment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MdiTt0mMh7o/U8mLhbT2qPI/AAAAAAAABUw/2YxHJTg6dlw/s1600/Viserys+Treatment.jpg" height="326" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Another stylish accessory option is to get
Viserys’ Crown Treatment from the Creepy Blue Babushka Jewelers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Other exciting activities during the judgment
include a delightful Hell-light Gallows Whale Cruise, which offers fantastic
views of the festivities….</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ds1W1kalk4Y/U8mLhvShPxI/AAAAAAAABUs/1usvpbiAGg8/s1600/Whale+Gallows.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ds1W1kalk4Y/U8mLhvShPxI/AAAAAAAABUs/1usvpbiAGg8/s1600/Whale+Gallows.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">…Or getting fitted with the latest
Horseshoes for Humans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which I guess are
just shoes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except hammered into your
heels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, you can get a new torso
smelted, or the popular Butthole Enlargement with a Hot Spike treatment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-P_MLI0JbL_4/U8mLfMel50I/AAAAAAAABT8/jf1gDEUWj_M/s1600/People+Forge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-P_MLI0JbL_4/U8mLfMel50I/AAAAAAAABT8/jf1gDEUWj_M/s1600/People+Forge.jpg" height="548" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Still, all of these involve a lot of work
on the part of the demons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t there
some way of punishing people with minimal effort on the part of Hell’s Hordes?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7KhJaUNnloo/U8mLf5JxWBI/AAAAAAAABU8/Flgmn7Wke48/s1600/People+Grinder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7KhJaUNnloo/U8mLf5JxWBI/AAAAAAAABU8/Flgmn7Wke48/s1600/People+Grinder.jpg" height="640" width="458" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Welcome to the People Pulverizer 3000!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Powered by enslaved souls running in hamster
wheels lined with spikes, just feed other souls into the funnel, and quickly
and easily grind them into convenient Sinner Pulp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Excellent for hippies who enjoy recycling and
making sure to use every part of the sinner.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I leave you with the image that caught my
eye first:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ry9ioQCXPmY/U8mLg82S3yI/AAAAAAAABU0/6gwIjiMg1zU/s1600/Suicidal+Lizard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ry9ioQCXPmY/U8mLg82S3yI/AAAAAAAABU0/6gwIjiMg1zU/s1600/Suicidal+Lizard.jpg" height="320" width="313" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I know that the book of Revelation mentions
dragons and three unclean spirits like frogs that appear, but must have missed the part where
a suicidal firebreathing lizard slices open its own neck while hissing at a man
drowning in a barrel full of blood and frogs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On that note, have a great weekend!</span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7910240523861575201.post-62344626682840952642014-07-09T20:02:00.000-07:002014-07-09T20:02:11.645-07:00Allegorical Double-Bill: The Agony, the Ecstasy, and Divine Hazing<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">“Allegory:” I believe this is a code word
artists use for their work when they got drunk one night and painted the first
thing that came into their heads/<a href="http://sarcasticninja.blogspot.com/2014/06/mini-post-allegory-of-cold-blooded.html">sculpted
something horrific</a>/trashed some furniture and had to explain it to their
roommate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This pair of paintings by Italian artist Lorenzo
Lotto does little to persuade me otherwise.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">First: The Allegory of Virtue and Vice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZyX1mxv9bo0/U74ATnC7RUI/AAAAAAAABTM/g9NW3HyBXog/s1600/A16649.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZyX1mxv9bo0/U74ATnC7RUI/AAAAAAAABTM/g9NW3HyBXog/s1600/A16649.jpg" height="640" width="490" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Allegory
of Virtue and Vice – Lorenzo Lotto, 1505</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So, if you live a life of vice, you might
die in a shipwreck, but you will have had so much wine that you will not care. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You get a lush field of grass to recline in,
fresh grapes, and when you have to vomit, you get a bucket made of solid gold.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5zjFMy_4tMs/U74ALU99nTI/AAAAAAAABTE/9EePphSdjv8/s1600/Vice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5zjFMy_4tMs/U74ALU99nTI/AAAAAAAABTE/9EePphSdjv8/s1600/Vice.jpg" height="388" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">If you live a life of virtue, you will
crawl around in a barren wasteland of dirt and rocks naked, striving to do
something useful with your meagre means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NfcQTtSUDnM/U74AL_VTvII/AAAAAAAABTA/VPifMEKYJjc/s1600/Virtue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NfcQTtSUDnM/U74AL_VTvII/AAAAAAAABTA/VPifMEKYJjc/s1600/Virtue.jpg" height="305" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Ultimately a colony of bats will seize you
and dump you into what appears to be an erupting volcano.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dlmjZJMrlsI/U74ALObijDI/AAAAAAAABSw/CuLvLbOYDaE/s1600/Bat+Volcano+Abduction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dlmjZJMrlsI/U74ALObijDI/AAAAAAAABSw/CuLvLbOYDaE/s1600/Bat+Volcano+Abduction.jpg" height="400" width="325" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The Allegory of Chastity is even simpler.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gSe1NX_ARP8/U74AUpVRf7I/AAAAAAAABTU/EH5KqbMm1Nw/s1600/A13682.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-gSe1NX_ARP8/U74AUpVRf7I/AAAAAAAABTU/EH5KqbMm1Nw/s1600/A13682.jpg" height="640" width="500" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Allegory
of Chastity – Lorenzo Lotto, c. 1505</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">On close inspection, I assume he’s
supposed to be scattering flowers over her pure form.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But my first impression at a glance was: Living
a chaste life is like getting pissed on by a smug cherub.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-H13k7P2BRzc/U74ALf6xmGI/AAAAAAAABS8/N7q_EeebQts/s1600/Cherub+Pee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-H13k7P2BRzc/U74ALf6xmGI/AAAAAAAABS8/N7q_EeebQts/s1600/Cherub+Pee.jpg" height="320" width="285" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Not sure this is supposed to be the
take-away message.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moral lessons were
never my strong point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">All
images are from the <a href="https://images.nga.gov/en/page/show_home_page.html">National
Gallery of Art</a>.</span></i><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
Sarcastic Ninjahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17827746254450339433noreply@blogger.com5