Medieval Drug Addict Killer Rabbits (NSFW)

Today I came across the website “Discarding Images,” dedicated to medieval book paintings.  And then my afternoon was lost.

It all started with this.

I can only assume this is a rabbit hyped up on drugs attempting to steal a kite from a knight who is distracted with doing the Invisible Limbo.

Besides kites, medieval rabbits had a variety of hobbies.  Here is one playing bagpipes made out of other animals, serenading a man/saytr with a bear head coming out of his butt.

Sometimes rabbits got into disputes, which would be settled via the time-honored dispute-settlement system of jousting.  This one, riding an old man that has developed snail armor, takes issue with a dog that has forced an unwilling rabbit to be his steed.

Other rabbits have less mercy.

But let’s face it; rabbits aren’t the only ones who get into violent fights.  Humans are known for going for the throat in a blind rage.  And sometimes getting the throat isn’t quite sufficient to take out your enemy. 

After all, it’s only a flesh wound.

Speaking of dismemberment, apparently this depicts beavers gnawing off their own testicles and throwing them at hunters so they will not be killed.  The men look awfully smug at their haul of beaver testicles, and the “beavers” look like raccoons about to pass out from pain and blood loss. 

 

Now things start to get weird.

A man vomits into a cup and pees into a bowl while tearing at his hair.  At his side, Frankenstein’s bride seems to be in mid-construction, with heart not yet in place and the skull flip-top still unhinged.  I’m assuming it is female just because of some strategic blood flows, but the chest looks like it was sewn together using whatever pieces were left lying around.  Maybe the left figure’s bodily fluids are necessary to complete construction of the other one?  Either that or this is seriously the worst frat party ever.

On the topic of the formation of human beings, here is an interesting take on Eve’s construction from Adam’s rib. 

Eve is already orating before she even has a lower torso.  And Adam is already falling asleep as she talks.  This sets a precedent for all future male-female interactions.  Also apparently there were a lot of animal tongues stuck out at the formation of woman.  The animal kingdom was not too impressed with the development.

Some animals came to enjoy what human females had to offer, though.

The description says the nun is breastfeeding the monkey, which leads me to wonder how she has the breast-milk available in the first place.  Maybe medieval nuns just had some kinky taste. 

Finally, we end with the medieval version of goatse.  I recommend averting your eyes now.

There are an awful lot of pooping pictures in marginalia.  I selected this one because it appears in a Psalter.  Apparently some scribes were not impressed by the Psalms.  Either that, or they were just crappy artists. *badum-ching*