Wednesday 3 October 2012

"Guardian" Angels: Raging Sociopaths?

A kindly nun, who for unfathomable reasons reads this blog but has not disowned me as a niece (yet), informed me that yesterday was the Feast of the Guardian Angels, and perhaps doing something with an angelic theme would be nice.  I agreed that this would be a good post topic, and proceeded to look up some pictures with guardian angels. 

As I looked, I noticed a disturbing theme.

All of them seem to be trying to murder their charges.

Bernard Plockhorst: The Guardian Angel (Source)
The angel silently approaches behind the two children, who are playing by a cliff edge, because that is the best place to play.  Her arms are outstretched, clearly ready to shove them off the edge.  To be fair, the one on the right looks like he's about to dive off the cliff after that butterfly, making the deed of the angel look even more like an accident.

In case you suppose this is a one-off disgruntled angel, going off the deep end due to angel-stress, think again.
Fridolin Leiber: The Guardian Angel (Source)

Once again there are two children by a cliff edge, one picking flowers and one going to his doom for a butterfly.  Once again the angel is about to push Dick and Jane into their first cliff-diving experience.  I guess times were tough so heaven could only afford to assign one angel per two children.  Shortages were particularly rampant in regions where 90% of the landmass was cliff-edges.



They don't only scheme cliff "accidents," either.
Unknown: The Guardian Angel (Source)
Here the plot is clearly to push the two children into the raging rapids.  That little girl trying to protect her brother doesn't stand a chance.


Now I know what you're thinking.  The angel is there because the wee darlings are in a dangerous situation, ready to pluck them away from the jaws of misfortune.  Well then, Mister or Miss Smarty-Reader, why isn't the angel in front of the children, to gently nudge them away from the edge?  As it is, the best they can do is yank the kids back by the hair, causing them severe trauma and possibly a near-death experience.

Pietro da Cortona: The Guardian Angel (Source)
Speaking of which, this painting seems to skip the whole "guardian" bit altogether.  I can only assume this child has passed on, perhaps from playing by a cliff edge while the angel was on coffee break, so now it is trying to guide the rather confused boy to the afterlife.  It certainly makes the surrounding area out to be a pretty bleak place.  Also, what on earth is going on in the background there?
It looks like another angel is being attacked from behind by some sort of black demonic creature.  Maybe this scene is actually depicting the end times, where the land is dark and full of evil, overrun by demons, and so this angel is helping its young charge leave behind this cesspool for a better place.  Helping!

In conclusion, happy belated Feast of the Guardian Angels!  Also, my apologies to Sister Sue for perhaps taking her idea in an unintended direction.

20 comments:

  1. It is sad that you only see the cursing and not the blessing in a situation! A "Guardian Angel" by definition is there to protect not destroy. I do understand that you are the "Sarcastic Ninja" so all is taken with a wink and a snicker! (more of a smirk not a candy bar)

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    1. It is true that as the Sarcastic Ninja I am required to be snarky. I do really like art and appreciate hope and beauty, but if I write a positive review of something my computer bursts into flames.

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  2. Good God, I never realised this was being read by nun!

    Dear Sister Sue, I sincerely apologise for my ungodly allusions in previous comments, particularly those pertaining to the female boobage. Please get in touch if you'd like to wash out my mouth with soap and holy water.

    I must say I rather like all angels you've selected (apart from the last one which I can't see). Some might say they were a tad flat-chested, but what would an angel do with a big bust?

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    1. Sister Sue is a wonderful person with a very broad and tolerant mind, and this site features a lot of breasts on a regular basis. Also, I'm not sure what the Vatican regulations are regarding gorillas and sacrilege in general. If you were a Catholic gorilla, on the other hand, there might be issues.

      What would they do with a big bust, indeed. I suspect it would get in the way of their delicate balancing for flight. Even as they are, they are apparently forced to keep their wings unfurled at all times just to stay upright.

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  3. I didn't realize that it was read by a nun and an anonymous person who both understands but doesn't get the joke. It does look like those angels are either going to push those kids off of high things or are beckoning the child to die.

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    1. But I am sure it would be a most loving and protective death.

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  4. I never realized butterfly hunting was so dangerous.

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    1. Everything is dangerous...when you live in Clifftopia.

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  5. Why are all the children playing near cliffs? I think it's time for Child Services to step in, a few parents seem to be shirking their duties.

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    1. Quite right! Although maybe cliffs were the old-timey equivalent of the McDonald's Playplace, and parents would send them there to please, please just get 10 minutes of peace and quiet.

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  6. I've learned a great deal about angels today! I had no idea they were such psychopathic homicidal creatures!

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    1. Glad to be of service! As "Dogma" shows us, all the most interesting angels are homicidal maniacs.

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  7. Every time you trip over nothing? Yeah, it's an angel.

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    1. Oh my goodness, I do that ALL THE TIME. I should have suspected angelic tripwire. I guess it's a good thing I don't live near any cliffs...

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  8. Pretty sure the last angel is saying, "no no... the fun place to play is by the cliff ledge! Come with me and I'll show you!" Meanwhile the other angel is swooping around in search of other non-cliff-ledge-playing children to "help."

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  9. ...on second look... the background angel is looking at the cliff like, "oh, THERE'S the cliff! I was wondering where to take the children!"

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    1. Makes sense to me! It's important to know where to guide the children like lemmings.

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  10. Complete religious ignorance. If these people had any spiritual knowledge (of truth) they would know angels are NOT female.

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  11. I think yhat final picture shows guardian angels should be entitled to guardian angels themselves.

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    1. Given what the rest of them get up to, I pale to think of what the guardian angel of a guardian angel would do for entertainment!

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