Wednesday 12 December 2012

And for Dessert, Murder!


In my Thanksgiving post I mentioned that a search for feast paintings turned up some fairly non-Thanksgiving-appropriate results.  Well, maybe appropriate for some families, but I don’t think I want to know.  I thought this week I would cover one of those.

We have a Peter Paul Rubens painting that is not related to Marie de Medici.  Instead of a megalomaniac queen and her polyamorous husband, this time we have a good, wholesome Bible story: The Feast of Herod.

The story goes that Herod divorced his wife and married Herodias (because matching names are totes adorable!), the wife of his brother.  John the Baptist pointed out that this was perhaps not the most moral course of marital action, which made Herodias go a bit murderous wench-y, because women are evil and emotionally unstable.  On Herod’s birthday Herodias’ daughter Salome dances for his party guests, and her moves are so sexay that Herod promises her whatever she wants as a reward for her bootyliciousness.  Instead of asking for a new chariot or Spring Break in Rome, she follows her mother’s wishes and asks for John’s head on a platter.


And here it is!  They bring it out right in the middle of the party, because nothing gets the good times rolling like a still-bleeding decapitated head.


First off, what is this child doing here?  All the adults are hushed in awe that a human head is being given as a gift by the birthday boy, and this kid is like, “You know what would be mischievous?  Playing under the table with my puppy!” 


Then we have the presentation.  I assume the lady with a stick in the head’s mouth is Herodias, so her delightful revenge explains her calm smile, but what about the woman behind her that looks even happier?  She gazes on Salome with an expression that says, “Oh, I am so proud of you for fulfilling your mother’s slaughterhouse dreams.”  Is this just commentary about how all women are horrible?  Also, what is going on with the mouth stick?  The expression says not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I suppose it doesn’t mention gift decapitated man-heads.  And Herod’s expression seems to be, “Oh dear, I shouldn’t have let her ask for this after dinner…how quickly can I get to the vomitorium?”

Finally, there is this guy.


He gazes at the grey, decaying head, and seems to think, “Mmm…looks so delicious.”

19 comments:

  1. I never realised that Levantine women used to have such white skin. They must have been using the same natural bleach that proved so effective for Michael Jackson. I'd like to know who the model for John the Baptist was. And what he was convicted of.

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    1. I hope it wasn't a totalitarian regime punishing inappropriate art criticism...

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  2. So Herodias’ daughter Salome is actually Herod's niece then, right? And Herod rewarded her for dancing around sexily? These people sound like they would make for horrible neighbors.

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    1. Depends how wild and full of incest and murder you like your neighborhood dinner parties.

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  3. All of which only goes to show that Herod gave amazing head.

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  4. Why did I have to look at that last frame right before bedtime? Now I'm going to have bad dreams of that chubby guy's hungry gaze- "Braaaainsss"

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    1. Brains are a delicacy in some parts of the world. Nom nom nom. Sweet dreams!

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  5. "All of which only goes to show that Herod gave amazing head" That head looks pretty average to me, Sir Owl.

    Ninja San, once again a new insight to the origins of contemporary customs. So Brain Parties were exported to Europe along with Christianity? I just can't get my head round that.

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    1. The ancient Near East provided more cultural influence than many people realize. And if you get your head around it, I suspect it means you have participated in too many Brain Parties...

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  6. It makes me wonder about a painter's process. He read that story and thought the severed head bit was the important part to show, not the weirdness of having your daughter-in-law do a sexy dance for you and your lecherous pals. Your commentary, as always, spot on and hilarious. The kid and his weird smirk is definitely the most disturbing thing in a scene that features a decapitated head.

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    1. I'm flattered that you enjoyed the commentary! The fact that the girl's mother had to be like, 'Good job dancing sexily for stepdaddy-uncle! Now bring me a bleeding head-stump' is also a weird thing to consider.

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  7. What this needed was Herod & Herodias in matching Hawaiian shirts.

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    1. YES. And John could have an apple in his mouth to create the most disturbing luau scene ever.

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  8. I never knew the secret to happiness was finding someone with a similar name. Thanks so much for pointing it out so I will not miss out on utter bliss....and a decapitated head.

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    1. It helps if the person is already married to one of your relatives. It makes future family gatherings so much more fun!

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  9. I love that Brian Blessed is Herod.

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  10. I keep thinking of how to caption this photo...I picture little cartoon bubbles coming out of Salome's head with pithy thoughts like, "I am awfully Anglo looking for a Middle Eastern princess," or out of the creepy onlooker dude, "Mmm...brains..."

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