Tuesday 12 March 2013

What This Painting Needs Is More Naked Ladies


Dear readers, recently an anonymous reader suggested I look into the works of Paul Delvaux.  Delvaux is a 20th century painter, and thus much more modern than the usual fare here, but it’s important to follow up on anonymous tips in the rough world of art reviewing.  So, I dove into Wikipaintings to see what I could find.

Paul Delvaux was a Belgian surrealist.  We all know how those Belgian surrealists can be.  Unlike James Ensor, however, Delvaux seems fairly straightforward in his interests.  Specifically, nude women.

Early on we get some pretty standard nudes.

Reclining Nude
 
Your basic naked lady on a couch. 

There are other images where having all the women naked wouldn’t be how I would have envisioned it, but it’s fair enough in the situation.

The Courtesans

Ok, so a bunch of courtesans.  Normally they would be out and about clothed, but maybe this is their annual nude beach party.  It looks like the courtesan health care package even includes free breast exams by another naked lady, reducing the self-consciousness of the patient alone being topless.

Then there are some where it seems like the law would have been involved.

A Visit

So…uh…we can still give him the benefit of the doubt…maybe this is a nudist household, and they are all naked all the time so there is nothing odd here.  And the lady is gesturing to her breasts invitingly because she’s one of those mothers that breastfeeds her children until they’re 18.  Totally natural and not creepy…

But then he starts taking normal scenes and just adding naked women to them for no apparent reason.

Salut

“Oh, hi George.  Sorry, can’t chat, must dash to catch the bus down there.” 

This trend gets more obvious than this.

Astronomers

Some stuffy old astronomers debate lunar physics or something.  Also NAKED LADIES.


The Tunnel

Everyone is wandering around, waiting for their trains and chatting.  And a couple of women forgot their clothes.  Also there’s a creepy girl in a mirror who I assume is the Belgian version of the girl in “The Ring.”  Typical day at the train station!


The Congress

No one in the Congress observes the line of nubile young women lined up in the chamber.  They’re just debating away, probably thinking, “Man, it’s warm in here.  I knew we shouldn’t have approved the plan to lower heating costs by insulating the walls with women!

In conclusion, Delvaux’s style seems not unlike the thought process of the typical teenage boy: everything is better with naked ladies.

17 comments:

  1. If I were one of his "models" (if he had any) I would be really angry at the end result. What's with the giant Anime eyes on all of the people? And you're right, this is definitely the work of a teenage boy's mentality. I wonder if he had access to porn if he would have painted at all. How many painters would be coming up now if not for the internet? Eh, we're probably better off.

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    1. Someone should do a study of porn access and its effect on creative output. As opposed to other sorts of "output."

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  2. He snuck in some naked girl-on-girl action on the right edge of 'Astronomers', so maybe he was a pioneer for lesbian rights or something. What is that goggle-eyed fellow in 'The Congress' staring at? From the trajectory of his eye, I would speculate that the lady nearest us is wearing a spectacular merkin.

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    1. There's naked girl-on-girl action in the background of several of his paintings. I'm not sure how much it has to do with social progressiveness, though. I'm not sure what the man is staring at...it kind of looks like he is holding a rock that is much more interesting than the local females.

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  3. He may have the thought process of a typical teenage boy, but I think this guy is a GENIUS!

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    1. "Genius" is one word to describe him..."disturbingly obsessed" might be another.

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  4. Whenever he stopped to look at a painting and asked himself what it needed, instead of saying "more cow bell" (as any American who has ever seen the Saturday Night Live sketch would have automatically answered), his response was "another naked lady."

    I'm a straight woman, and our society has definitely conditioned all of us be fans of the mammary glands, but it seems like Belgium must be populated only by lesbians, since only the other women seem to notice all the female nudity.

    What kind of culture is it where politicians in particular ignore a room full of naked women?!?! Hello! Not in any country where I've ever lived! Okay, that sounded much more impressive until you realize that that number is only two, and they were both English speaking, so maybe my sample was skewed, but you get my point!

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    1. I know! Apparently Belgium's politicians are the opposite of those in, say, Italy.

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  5. It's not often that oily nudes engender positive emotions in me, but these paintings make me feel all altruistic and charitable (in that, were I to own them, I'd immediately give all of them away to chaps who could appreciate them and then wash my eyeballs in gin).

    We must remember that the gentleman was Belgian.

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    1. Allowances must always be made for Belgian artists.

      And the post-gallery-visit gin eyeball wash is a time-honoured tradition around here.

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  6. In the last painting it looks like they're about to play a pick-up "Shirts vs Skins" basketball game.

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    1. I know a lot of guys who would definitely be into that kind of team split.

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  7. I'm not a fan of public transport but... Well, you know what I mean. I love women um art. I'm just slightly worried about all of them catching a cold. ;)

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    1. Well, I am operating under the assumption that Belgian women have a natural body temperature about 10 degrees higher than normal, necessitating such fashion choices for their health and comfort.

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  8. That's messed up, if the ladies are going to be without clothes then so should the guys.
    The painting of the little boy coming in the door is so creepy- the look on his face in particular, seems slightly predatory. Yuk!

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  9. I love the Surrealists, but this...this is weird. I don't know about you, but the naked women walking around my neighborhood NEVER wear hats.

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  10. As it is. Delvaux's themes are sex and death. The fantasies of teenage boys are easily dismissed. This selection of paintings depicts the habitual attitude of heterosexual men towards women: idealised fantasy objects that are so commonplace that they are often easy to ignore. The selection does not address Delvaux's concern with death (the antics of animated skeletons). So be it.

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