Some time ago, this image on Ugly Renaissance Babies
caught my eye:
I love this picture. These are the most epic babies I have ever
seen. The one in the middle will claw
out your liver without a second thought.
His friend on the right is pleading with his eyes that you’ll just drop
it so Baby 1 doesn’t lose it again, because he is sick of cleaning up the blood. Baby 3 is seeing his life flash before his
eyes, right before his intestines do in a Mortal Kombat-esque finishing move.
But I wondered: what IS this painting? What is happening in the rest of it? Does it all ooze as much drama as these
little guys?
It turns out this snippet is a part of “The
Intervention of the Sabine Women,” and it is every bit as action-packed.
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The story goes that the Romans went and abducted some Sabine women, so the Sabines went and tried to get them back, and here the Sabine women are trying to stop the violence. This lady is either trying to intervene, or finish her yoga session.
I think this lady is welcoming the opportunity
to be invaded.
Fortunately for her, the warriors came with
the latest in practical battlewear.
Of course, some people seem less interested
in the warriors than they are in absconding naked with a horse.
It is perhaps worth noting that this
painting is apparently intended to reflect the artist’s hope for the people of France
to reconcile
after the Revolution. Which I think
speaks volumes: nothing says post-revolution France like well-oiled nude men
with spears, ravaged women, and a deep affection for Mister Ed.
This painting could have been called "Which are better - boobs or buttocks?", which is the kind of question that would have been pondered deeply in France. The baby on the left seems to be staring at an exposed boob, so his preference is pretty obvious.
ReplyDeleteThis question is still pondered regularly today, I think. Babies tend to lean in one direction more uniformly, though. Older people, such as that lady tearing her clothes in the middle, may have a more nuanced opinion.
DeleteWhoa, naked baby fighting is intense...a sentence I didn't think I'd be writing when I woke up. What's up with the baby on the left that's being held by the woman clutching the dude's leg? The look on its face. Also, they have helmets so it's not like they don't know what clothes are or how it could be advantageous to cover your more vulnerable areas around a fight with pokey things.
ReplyDeleteActually, I bet "Intense Naked Baby Fighting" would become a very popular Youtube channel if it existed...perhaps for all the wrong reasons.
DeleteMaybe they still had all their armorers, but all their weavers and seamstresses had died or been kidnapped, leaving them no choice but to charge into battle with all their spears a-waving?
That guy with the spear has the best ass I've ever seen. I'm finding my attraction to it disturbing.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to have some variety from the usual lady parts on display in these paintings.
DeleteI need to buy me some practical battlewear...
ReplyDeleteI hear it's super cheap, and comfortable too (although not very warm).
DeleteDon't look now but there's a baby photo-bombing the guy with the Roma shield and ...very nice buttocks...
ReplyDeleteHe figured he might as well do something while the babies up front were getting all the credit.
Delete