Today we’re looking at a few paintings by François Boucher, an 18th century French painter.
|Could you guess he was French? (François Boucher, Portrait by Gustav Lundburg)|
Also I will warn you right off, this entry has even more naked bits than usual, so probably best not to be perusing it when your boss is around. Unless s/he’s into animal rape, in which case hey, you learned something new about your boss!*
*Warning: I am going for my most offensive post yet.
The story goes that Zeus (a.k.a. Jupiter, that paragon of ideal marriage) gets horny and goes to earth to get it on with a woman called Leda. To do this, he decides the best course of action is to take on the form of a swan. Leda is then either seduced or raped by said swan, whichever you find less disturbing.
|What, you thought I meant the animal was raped? Welcome to mythology|
So apparently Leda liked to hang around naked in the first place, wearing nothing but her favorite strand of arm-pearls. I don’t know who the other woman is supposed to be. But I DO know that Boucher really liked to paint women in that pose.
Are you sure you don’t want me to wear the jewelry instead of lying next to it? (Odalisque)
|This girl is clearly like fourteen. (Nude on a Sofa)|
Even the hairstyle is basically the same. I guess he liked to get ladies around to his studio, meticulously pin their hair to their head, and then say, “Well, I’m really just interested in your delightfully soft bum, but I guess I could paint your face in too if you insist.”
So anyway. The Zeus-swan appears, and the two ladies at least look alarmed at having a giant bird aggressively approach them. I know I would be alarmed. A swan could snap your femur with its neck.
But this was not the only Leda-and-Swan picture Boucher painted.
|Source: When Art History Goes Bad|
Really? Swan erotica? I mean, I guess at least here it appears to be consensual lady-swan relations, but would a swan really perform good cunnilingus? Wouldn’t the beak be an issue? But then the whole concept of a swan getting it on with a fully-grown human woman has some serious logistics issues all around. Why am I even thinking about these questions? Blast you, art!
And thus we have the classical equivalent of a fetishist magazine in a brown paper wrapper.