Last time we looked at François Boucher, we learned he had a thing for mythological
paintings. Here is a rather milder
scene, depicting the birth of Venus.
The story goes that Venus was born of sea foam. Here she seems to be vomited forth by a
giant fish. Along with some tastefully
placed blankets.
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Bleeeeh. Knew I
shouldn’t have had that second bowl of worms.
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The thing that caught my eye, though, was the pair of
baby-angels that are hanging out to witness her birth. One of them is mauling a dove, with a
disgusted expression.
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| Ugh—sea foam skank alert! |
The other carries a torch and looks like he is trying to
drive her out, exorcist-style.
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| Begone, foul sea-vomit wench! |
And
thus goes the birth of the goddess of love and prostitutes.
I'm not convinced that the setting is a pond; my guess is that it is just a large bath that hasn't been cleaned for a long, long time.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if the lady in question has just let rip with some buttock-flailing fart, and it is this that has caused the foam, attracted the attentions of the grouper fish, so offended the dove-strangler and led the little fat demon to try flaring off the gas?
Her expression appears to be either one of deep concentration (trying to not follow-through) or of satisfaction at an olfactory offence well-given. The classical bints were well-known for bloating and the social issue of gas.
That would be a better explanation of everyone's expressions than Venus simply coming into being. Alternately, maybe the sea farted her into being with a mighty rip from a sea-bed volcanic vent, with a whoosh of sulphur?
DeleteYou mean Venus was born a fully-formed woman? Well, maybe a pubescent girl, but that wouldn't save her blushes. The fish is clearly gaping in astonishment and the babies are wondering why the hell their new-born playmate looks like their mother.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's a side effect of being a goddess of love and sex--she had to be nubile from the moment of her birth. Because having a baby sex-goddess would just be wrong.
DeleteI have always said babies are terrifying.
ReplyDeleteThat is a true and wise observation. You never know what they are scheming.
DeleteThat fish looks like it's saying, "I thought it was going to be crackers or bread, but it was placenta! She made me eat placenta!" And why does she look like giving birth was better than best orgasm?
ReplyDeleteWell, if human birth is only painful because a god cursed us, then maybe god-birth IS better than orgasm?
DeleteYou know, I don't remember any of this in my sex education classes when I was a kid. I think I'd remember if they said "...and then a giant fish vomits up a fully grown woman. That's where babys come from, kids!"
ReplyDeleteWell, it's about as helpful as the stork and cabbage-patch explanations, only with this one you get to skip the screaming baby phase of child-rearing.
DeleteThat second baby is REALLY intense looking. I think if I walked in on a kid like that it would be time to call the exorcist.
ReplyDeleteEspecially if it was also carrying a flaming torch. Definitely time to get in a professional.
DeleteThat's the face I would make if I had to hold a bird.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it would depend on whether it decided to leave a gift on my hand...
DeleteThis is what I imagine my birth looked like. I didn't realize Boucher was a prophet.
ReplyDeleteSo your hospital had the Giant Birthing Spectator Fish, too?
DeleteI'd guess that torch-baby and bird-baby are Venus versions 1 and 2 and they are extremely jealous that the Venus prototype had to go into a third version. Torch-baby is clearly planning a delightful picnic on the beach where he will eviscerate Venus 3.0 with a clam shell and burn her entrails in sacrifice. Bird-baby is disgusted by this but clearly thankful that torch-baby isn't paying him any attention just yet and maybe while the evisceration is going on he can escape with that poor fish.
ReplyDeleteAs disturbing as it is, we must accept that picnic eviscerations were a dime a dozen back in the good old days.
Indeed, the picnic evisceration was right up there with the lion races and Super-Glutton Vomit Competitions for entertainment. At least with the beach-based P.E. you could take a break to stroll along the shore if the entrails got to be too much.
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