Saturday 23 March 2013

It’s Raining Men


Dear readers, I have been ridiculously busy this past week, and it looks like things are only going to get busier for a while.  I apologize if entries are a bit shorter or further between.  I’ll try to find pictures that are worth a thousand words to make up for it.  Starting with this one.  



After last week’s naked woman-fest, here is something for the ladies.  I originally found this piece on Ugly Renaissance Babies, but as it does not feature babies, and instead has so much more, I decided it deserved its own entry. 



The Fall of the Titans, by Cornelius van Haarlem, demonstrates once again how much this artist likes some prominent naked man-butt front and center.  Well, slightly to the right. 


I try to find images with high resolutions, the better to see all the little details that make many paintings great.  With this one, Wikimedia has a copy available at 7,328 × 5,688 pixel resolution.  You can just about see the pores on these guys’ faces (or other bits, if you prefer).  This allows one to appreciate the delicate eyelashes and bushy ‘stache on this guy…




But it also meant that in scanning through I looked at this strategically placed dragonfly close up (sensitive readers should avert their eyes).




That’s not a dragonfly; that is a giant transparent leech with wings and a face.  It could eat a cat.


There is also this dog hanging around, probably thinking it has died and gone to Fresh Meat heaven.




This painting features a lot of impressive aerial acrobatics.  Here is just one example to demonstrate the kind of questions they raise.




Why is the one guy grabbing the other one?  Does he think it will break his fall?  Also why is he awkwardly grabbing his own head?  Is it just to show off his massive biceps mid-fall?  Is that a dragon back there?


Finally, I think this guy is my favorite.  His expression pretty much sums up my reaction to this painting.



I wonder if this is what the Weather Girls had in mind?

23 comments:

  1. My general reaction to this painting is summed up in that last photo, something along the lines of "bwaaah, why?"
    The guy in the lower right of the painting looks like he is recoiling from a hefty junk-smack to the face

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    1. It does look like a fairly compromising position for that guy. Although I suspect some of the men in the pile of bodies in the middle have it worse.

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  2. I would have called this painting homo-erotic if it weren't for the bewildered expressions on the men's faces. The winged insect doesn't seem to be sucking like a leech. It's either laying eggs or trying to mate with a penis. An honest mistake, I suppose.

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    1. It's like the artist wanted to paint a wild homoerotic orgy so he drugged a bunch of models, but they started to snap out of it partway through the artistic process...

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  3. What exactly are these guys putting on their doodles that's attracting so much attention from dragonfly-leaches and butterflies?

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    1. It's a little-known fact that the Titans secreted insect pheromones. It was part of their downfall, as many of them were dramatically humped to death by lonely moths.

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  4. 1. Who invited the dog to the sausage fest?

    2. The dragon fly's location is a lot like the strategic placement of potted plants in hotel porn ... or so I've heard!

    3. I agree with Winopants that the poor dude in the lower right looks like the view is not to his taste ... um, liking. Not really indicative of traditional homo-erotic pieces, but I guess some people are into that. Who am I to judge ... unless it involves a rapist swan!

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    1. 1. The dog heard something about it raining balls, and it excitedly went to the scene to play fetch.

      2. It's important to keep strategically placed potted plants, melons, giant mutant insects etc around for the unexpected breakout of nudity.

      3. I think everyone certainly has the right to judge rapist swans.

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  5. Dear Lord, this painting reminds me why I'd rather see a bunch of ugly naked women skydiving than one naked man awkwardly grabbing his um... head.

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    1. I'll keep an eye open for any naked women skydiving paintings!

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  6. Perhaps it was the opening night of The Naked Acrobats gone wrong. They do like a bit like they just fell from an impressive human pyramid, though I'm not sure why you need to be nude to do so.

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    1. That was a night that would go down in infamy in nudist circus circles.

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  7. Can't explain the translucent winged gekko but, Danaus chrysippus, known as the Plain Tiger or African Monarch, is a common butterfly which is widespread in Asia and Africa. It belongs to the Danainae ("Milkweed butterflies"). Clearly this painting is a depiction of an infestation by aberrant Milkweed Butterflies of the Titan's shower room. The titan's Achille's heel was an aversion to creepy crawlies. Hence their obvious discomfort and eventual downfall at the hands of the Olympians who, as young upstarts, were unphased by insects as they had grown up like all boys pulling the legs off flies.

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    1. To be fair, if I encountered that particular variety of creepy crawlie in my personal areas, I would freak out, too.

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  8. I don't believe that this is artwork at all but simply the court sketcher's impression of testimony given at my Grandmother's trial.

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    1. Afterwards the court sketcher clawed his own eyes out with his pencil, I assume.

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  9. I didn't get your Weather Girls reference but suddenly had the song "It's Raining Men" stuck in my head after reading your post (for some unknown reason). So I looked up the song to see that it was done by the Weather Girls so now I've learned something today. Which means I can spend the rest of the day napping.

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    1. I am always looking to provide an educational service with this blog. It is important to be aware of 80s pop music references.

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  10. Now I can't get "Raining Men" out of my head...
    And that guy has a great dragonfly. Or leech. Or whatever.

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    1. Maybe it's his pet! And he's trained it to stay there so he doesn't have to wear clothes. I assume this must be the case since he doesn't seem very concerned by it (or the angry dog about to eat him).

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  11. Now I can't get "Raining Men" out of my head...
    And that guy has a great dragonfly. Or leech. Or whatever.

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  12. Wow. It may be a while before I can get some of these images out of my head!

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  13. I think the last guy is what they based Heat Miser on.

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