Buddhism has a rich body of mythology, which is often
expressed through intricate art. This
makes it a prime target for ignoramuses such as myself to use as fodder for a
humor blog. Thus I present to you a
19th century work, “Rahula and his Assembly.”
Source |
I should note that if you do a Google search for “Rahula,”
you will find that this is the name of Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha)’s
biological son. Although I thought at
first that there must have been something freaky in the water his mother was
drinking while pregnant, a little further searching revealed that it is also
the name of “the horrific Nyingma protector deity, wrathful, with nine heads
and a giant face on the belly.” So plus
side, the Buddha’s son didn’t have faces all over his body. Probably, anyway. On the other hand, his parents probably should have used a better
Baby Name book.
Rahula is the centerpiece of all this, so we’ll start with
him. But where to begin?
We’ll go with the head(s).
Really this is a very impressive tower of heads, tastefully adorned with
little bonus skulls. He must pay his
eyebrow groomer very well to maintain that highly manicured look over all of
those eyes – even the tapered look over the third eyes! Very stylish. Almost as stylish as his mustache and beard, carefully shaved
and waxed into individual curls. It
must take him hours to get ready in the morning. And when he finally gets ready, he’s got a lot of hungry mouths
waiting for breakfast!
The one directly in his stomach being perhaps the most voracious
of these. I mean, his stomach-mouth is
at least twice the size of his main face-mouth. Imagine how many Pop-Tarts it would take to keep it satisfied! Especially as the food would just keep
falling out, since the stomach is a face.
Brings new meaning to the idea of being stuffed to the eyeballs.
In addition to his impressive ginger stomach-beard, he also
has eyes on his hands and arms, presumably to allow him to aim his bow, arrow,
and sword better. I don’t want to know
what the nipple-eyes’ main purpose is.
Moving down to his legs, we find that he doesn’t have legs
so much as terrifying tentacles protruding from his torso, tipped with even
more faces. We find he is sitting on a
couple of uncomfortable-looking people, in a setup for one of the stranger
examples of hentai to grace the 19th century.
Rahula’s entourage has some interesting entries, as
well. First, above his heads we find
this trio.
Just a couple of normal enlightened deities, chillin’ on
their standard-issue lotus-blossom clouds.
And this guy.
He’s all like, “RAAAAAGHHHHH! MERE MORTAL! I SHALL
STOMP ON YOUR FACE WITH MY STUMPY LEGS FOR ATTEMPTING TO STEAL MY SACRED CHEESE
STICK!”
Then there are a couple of invisible naked
androgynous-types, pretending to be birds as they chase after a giggling
flaming skull.
I think this guy is my favorite, though.
Is there ANY religion based on teddybears? I mean based on normal, ordinary, non-scary, cuddly, fluffy, happy, non-wrathful, cute teddybears?
ReplyDeleteI dunno, I could envision teddy bears smothering the infidels for their transgressions against the holy fluff.
DeleteI would guess Rahula was the first bulimic god, eating with his head-mouth and throwing up with his stomach-mouth. His moobs look quite feminine and attractive - the eyes on his forearms must spend a lot of time ogling them.
ReplyDeleteYou bring up a good point with the bulimia thing. Saves the food having to come up again after going down. I imagine with all those eyes, he does a lot of ogling in general.
DeleteMade my evening, as usual. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks! Glad to be of service. :)
DeleteI'm kinda wondering how the baby-naming in the Buddha household went down.
ReplyDelete"What about Rahuma"
"You mean... name it after the god with all the faces on it?"
"Yeah, that's the guy!"
"With the... tentacles? And the nipple eyeballs?"
"Again, yes!"
"Geeeeee... I can't think of ANY reason why not!"
"That's the spirit!"
And again, a baby is named due to misunderstood sarcasm.
Well, I guess I figure the kid would grow up either being completely miserable from all the teasing, or to be a total badass as a result. Maybe it was a gamble on the Buddha's part to toughen him up since his Daddy wouldn't be there for him, off being enlightened and all.
DeleteI think those are rage-noodles.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure rage noodles are all the characters from Dragonball Z ever ate.
DeleteNot that my pop culture references are terribly dated or anything.
His parents probably should have used a better Baby Name book? I have finally discovered a link between myself and the son of Buddha.... My parents should have used a better Baby Name book too. On the other hand, I do wear rubber boots and love my booty camp whip so maybe Randy wasn't such a bad name after all. Back to the art. If his stomach-mouth is the most voracious, you should see his butt!
ReplyDeleteThe end
It is possible that there are links between one's given name and one's development...
DeleteI think you have pointed out an excellent reason these guys weren't painted from behind.
Do you think there are paintings that only show butts? If some, I hope we're talking beautiful women butts and not hungry demigod butts.
DeleteThere are certainly paintings that feature butts, although I'm not sure if they show only butts. Now, paintings of asses, on the other hand...
DeleteYou get points for observation of details and speculation on what those details might mean. But I think I'm still hung up on the big picture? Oh, I have an idea. Maybe this is a representation of the Borg...you know from Star Trek? Where it assimilated humans...and the voice,"YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED." Remember the voice??? The picture on the belly is proly the big cheese, not Captain Kirk but the bald guy.
ReplyDeleteI suppose the Borg assimilation process would fit in with concepts of true enlightenment being re-integration into a unified whole without individuality. Also RAVENOUS STOMACH HUNGER.
Deleteyeah.
Delete