Saturday 1 November 2014

European Adventures Part I: The Pomp of the Polish Pulpit



Dear readers, you may, or more likely may not, have noticed that I have been AWOL for a little while.  Well, that is because the past few weeks I was gallivanting around Europe attending a wedding, recovering from a wedding, and trying to determine the blood-alcohol content of the average Polish wedding guest.  (Answer: not enough.  More vodka!)

The wedding, at the Benedictine Abbey in Tyniec near Krakow, was beautiful.  Definitely the loveliest ceremony I have attended that I could not understand a word of.  Well, I got the names of the bride and groom, and Christ was in there, although I’m pretty sure it was spelled “Krwyzctzyc.”  But besides the joy of being present for two good friends signing a lifetime contract of love and devotion, I got to see this amazing church.

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There is a lot of gold in there.  We’ll start with this pulpit, which I sat behind and could not help but gaze upon.

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The official explanation is that it is in the shape of a ship, on which Jesus preached.  Personally, my first thought was that it looked like a fancy Victorian ship-shaped bed with tassels and light-blocking curtains.  It turns out that the curtains are a net to catch these terrifying fishes.


Also featured but not showing up very well in this photo: a series of golden tentacles emerging from the rock(?) on top of the boat.


I might observe that the church website explains, “The composition of the pulpit is crowned with a building symbolising the Church with a figure of whorshipped Christ at the top.”  So I guess “whorshipping” goes along with the blingy golden ship-bed of Christ?

Moving on to the altar center stage.

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Plenty more gold, but we’ll take a look at the painting in the middle…

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Peter and Paul, the patrons of the church, look up in awe at the divine world.  Although frankly even without the holy Trinity up there, there is something unnerving about those angels.


Also, while Peter is usually depicted as pretty svelte, here he looks a bit like Santa Claus in his nightgown.


The last striking thing was this angel wielding an upside-down cross.


This is probably symbolizing Peter again, who was crucified upside-down.  However, the way that angel is holding it is less like he’s supporting a noble symbol, and more like he’s going to fling it down and impale some unsuspecting people below.

In conclusion, congratulations and best wishes to G&K, and Polish churches are awesome!  I now know where to go in case of a global financial meltdown when gold becomes the only acceptable currency.

12 comments:

  1. I think you guessed right: whorshipping goes along with the blingy golden ship-bed of Christ.

    So, what's in your pockets? ;)

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    1. Polish currency...so I guess I'm a złoty girl at the moment.

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  2. That's a grand enough church for both the wedding and the honeymoon. There seem to be secluded spaces for the couples on either side of the nave...as long as the whorshippers don't follow them.

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    1. No worries, there is an angel with a cross-lance ready to deter any would-be interlopers.

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  3. I held an event here, and it couldn't have gone any smoother. Their staff and manager were excellent. As an event coordinator, they made my job extremely easy.

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    1. They certainly seemed to have everything under control!

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  4. Is it me or does that fish resemble a Chinese puppy dragon? Awesome place for a wedding or anything else.

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    1. I think Jesus missed a trick there! Being a fisher of dragons sounds way cooler than being a fisher of men.

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  5. Whoa, the upside down cross wielded by the stabby-looking cherub makes me want to read this while listening to either Bad Religion or some sort of Norwegian Death Metal. Glad you had fun, or at least seemed to have fun at the wedding and/or your gallivanting. I love how so many opulent Christian churches really grasped the concept of the humble humility of Jesus and his love of Mr. T-level adornment of crazy amounts of gold jewelry. Great job, spiritual leaders.

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    1. Thanks! It was a good trip. And as Jesus was well known for saying, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. Thus shall ye give all your cold, hard cash to my disciples, for they could really use some new crushed velvet and gold robes."

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  6. Lucky you! That is a very blingy church. But having seen my Polish mother-in-law's nails, I know they have a leaning toward the blingy...

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    1. Clearly you need to be able to blind an assailant with your nails, one way or another...

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