Dear readers, this week we turn again to the ongoing Medici
Cycle saga. And this one is a
doozy. Last
time, after like nine other paintings, Marie was finally coronated as the
Queen of France. There were angels and
it rained gold coins and everything.
Marie was crowned on 13 May, 1610.
Then, her husband, Henry, was tragically assassinated. This happened…on 14 May, 1610.
TOTALLY A COINCIDENCE.
And Marie was of course quite reluctant to take full control of the
regency. Sorry, did I say
reluctant? I meant that she took it up
the same day her husband was murdered.
Out of a sense of duty to the country, I am sure.
This painting is called the “Death of Henry IV and the
Proclamation of the Regency.” And it is
the best representation of an assassination, ever.
Henry is spirited away to the skies, looking understandably
concerned at being dragged bodily by two men clothed only in sheets while being
harassed by an eagle armed with lightning bolts.
Back on earth, there is an effort to keep him in the mortal
realm. Not by his wife, of course, but
rather by a fire-breathing snake grabbing his ankle.
His wife is already seated on the throne
beneath a triumphal arch, “reluctantly” receiving the orb of power from France, whose bosom is
dangling all over the place, because it is France.
Meanwhile, Marie has suddenly become a very eligible
bachelorette, judging by the throngs of drooling men suddenly clawing at her
throne.
Somehow it seems the menfolk weren’t coming a-knocking in
quite such numbers BEFORE she was Queen of France, but I am sure this is
entirely related to her womanly charms.
Although I would recommend that they all should take a close look at her
dead hubby’s obituary in relation to her coronation before getting too
amorous.
As a final note, what is going on with this guy??
It seems like back then it wasn't so much that you "died" as it was you were "kidnapped to heaven".
ReplyDeleteReally, I'd be ok with that. Being kidnapped to heaven sounds more pleasant than being brutally murdered.
DeleteI'd say Madame La France's boobies are demurely exhibited compared with the ripe pair on display in the centre of the painting. It's one of those frustrating situations where there might have been a full-blown orgy if everyone hadn't been so power-hungry.
ReplyDeleteI've never known power-hunger to stop an orgy. Just look at modern politicians.
DeleteRe the zombie, just as they had food tasters, they also had royal hairspray testers round the necks of whom they fitted these devices to stop them rubbing their eyes and spoiling the results of the test.
ReplyDeleteAh ha! Of course! It was so important to have a perfectly coiffed 'do in the aristocracy. And animals were to valuable to test on, as seen by the faithful dog constantly by the queen's side. It would have to be a peasant.
DeleteHa ha ha ha! I can't imagine what's to come if there's a part 10. If I hadn't seen all previous installments, I would almost feel bad for ol' King Hank. It just seems to me that being royalty back then was a nightmare. Forget it, just request to be a Duke or a "Sir" or something other than true royalty. It's not worth it. What IS going on with that guy? And is that other guy giving Marie the gift of a shovel? Smooth, Lothario.
ReplyDeleteThis is only like halfway through the series. Marie wanted a THOROUGH epic portrayal of her life. I'm sure being royalty was fine, as long as you had a death wish (for yourself and/or others). I assume that the gift of the shovel is so that she can bury her not-yet-cold husband's body.
DeleteFrance, stop showing your boobs off! This is why we can't go anyplace nice!
ReplyDeleteIt's no use. France refuses to bow to silly conventions like 'clothes.'
DeleteI'm awfully sorry but this "marry 'em one day and kill 'em the next" routine is just too close to home for me to be comfortable enough to comment.
ReplyDeleteI won't go into details or anything because then all of the in-laws would be able to recognise themselves and I'd be in trouble.
"Marry or Murder" sounds like a game for adolescent girls with stronger-than-normal sociopathic tendencies.
DeleteAnd ALWAYS beware of the in-laws.
That poor lady ran so fast to get the orb of power to the queen her top fell down. And I bet she'd had nightmares about just that, too. The old "show up naked to present the orb of power" dream.
ReplyDeleteShe'd spent weeks training for that very moment, and then BAM. Prime Time Wardrobe Failure.
Delete