Thursday, 29 May 2014

Mythology of the EPA Building: Gods, Nudity, and Animal Furniture

The Environmental Protection Agency: that bastion of protecting the land, water, and air, insofar as it is not more profitable to do otherwise.  It turns out their building is pretty dramatic, too.  It’s not so much green as it is “hulking stone.”  Now you, too, can experience its wonder and majesty through the power of my crummy photography.

A series of faces lines the border of the building.  Some of them seem to be related to crops, like this corn-lord….
With a face that says, if you try to turn me into high fructose corn syrup one more time, I will ram my cob up some orifices you will find unpleasant

Or his girlfriend, the Dame of Wheat.
Part Harvest Goddess, part Princess Leia, all vacant eyes that will steal your soul

Some of them are more concerned with animals.  Here a man with epic facial hair wears a stylish lion hoodie.
Lions: No. 1 Animal Concern in the U.S.

Or this man, who is adorned with…I want to say an angry Bulbasaur.
Did you know that due to their popularity in bloodsports, the Pokemon is a highly endangered species?

There are more detailed vignettes adorning the top of the building, that almost invariably involve naked people using large animals as lounge chairs.

You can lounge naked on a bull.

Or on a horse. Perhaps you would enjoy having an eagle stroke your rod while doing so.

My personal favorite is this lady lounging on a hippocampus, a.k.a. mer-horse.

Note the creature’s shocked and indignant expression as she gently caresses his tail.
I say, madam!  Some decency, please.

The dolphins are getting the heck out of dodge before things get out of hand.

The central image combines these elements and more: naked bull lounging, naked horse lounging, an eagle eying up a torch for nuzzling potential, a half-dressed lady ready to start some forest fires, and a naked male that is either a dwarf or an extremely well-developed young boy.  

Perhaps the latter highlights the benefits of overconsumption of hormones in food and water?


  1. The boy is holding something in his left hand, but I don't think it belongs to him. There's quite a difference between the two pairs of boobies on display. I think the brawnier of the ladies has been taking the same hormones as the boy.

    1. Well, when it's in the water.... She might also be on steroids - I think she has weightlifter aspirations.

    2. He's right. But of course GB is an expert in the field of boobies

  2. Stroke your rod... and there is a really a rod there... snorted coffee...

    1. Indeed. I understand eagles to be very tender rod-strokers...a feather touch, one might say.

  3. I'm ashamed for that horse for whatever that dude is doing or just did to it. The EPA loves some nudity and potential beastiality.

    1. After all, what could be more eco-friendly than naked animal snuggling?

  4. The power of your crummy photography.... I wouldn't want it any other way. He will ram his cob up some orifices you will find unpleasant? How rude! I always lounge naked on a bull. They're so bully. The hippocampus knows what she's up to. I would run to my bull and feel safe again. It all makes perfect sense when you're a sculptor.