Monday 30 July 2012

Jesus: Limbo Champion

Benvenuto di Giovanni lived in the 15th century, and purchased a vineyard and took public office when painting didn't work out for him as a career choice.  I console my lack of creative success with wine and politicking, too.  Just look out for my upcoming ad campaign, "Ninjas for the Provision of Free Booze at Polling Stations."

Presumably prior to dabbling in Sienese politics with goblet in hand, Benvenuto produced "Descent into Limbo."

The painting depicts Jesus' triumphant descent to free all the souls who had been stuck for millenia attempting to dance under an ever-lower pole with "Limbo Rock" playing in the background.  Jesus obviously knew he was going to a party, because he thoughtfully remembered to bring a pizza on his head.

However, Jesus isn't happy to see everyone--he seems to be attempting to strangle this guy, who barely deflects his power-grip.  I assume that the man had been too greedy in trying to get his share of 'za.

On Jesus' other side, things are a bit more friendly--but it's possible he's just being nice because their faces all seem to be slowly drooping off of their skulls.

Of course, this divine delivery is only made possible because Jesus took out the demonic bouncer that had been guarding the door.  Or is it? 
It really looks like the whole limbo cave dropped down on the guy a la the Wicked Witch of the East, breaking his arms and turning him into a rather scrawny devil-pancake.  Maybe this was just a really tan guy minding his own business in the desert, and then BOOM, Limbo Smackdown. 

On that note, I think I should get back to working on refining my platform.  Mandatory cave insurance, and pizza parties for everyone.

8 comments:

  1. Can I just take a moment here and point out the "scenic background" of this masterpiece. Look at how many people they crammed into what APPEARS to be a single rock in the desert. Seriously! That thing must be a tardis!

    Odd nobody noticed this rock but Jesus, though. "Did you see that rock with a barn door in it?" "You mean the one with the skinny tan dude standing by it? Yeah. Just keep walking, it's probably nothing..."

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    1. I never really understood where limbo was supposed to be, so I guess this answers it. If Hell is underground firey pits, and heaven is up, then apparently limbo is...Nevada. In which case it is possible that to fit all those people there is a whole underground casino under that rock.

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  2. I love this blog... I feel amused and smarter at the same time.

    At least you can make out objects in this failed painter's painting. I tried a "Van Gogh" style work once and you couldn't even make out the field was a field. Who knows what crappy job I would have ended up with in the 15th century. Not the tan guy though. I don't tan well, luckily.

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    1. Aww, thanks!

      I think there is a saying: Those who can't do, write a snarky blog about people who can. I tried the Bob Ross school of art once, and wound up with what appeared to be an easel of pastel vomit.

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    2. PS - Thanks for the Twitter mention, Amy!

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  3. Why is Jesus stepping on DJ Pauly D?

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    1. I think being involved with Jersey Shore automatically entails some divine smiting.

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  4. Would there be hairs in my pizza?

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