However, now academic opinion is that they are actually bull testicles. Ok, technically they're still supposed to be a symbol of fertility. But how did she get so many bull testicles? Were they sacrificed to her and she just liked them so much she decided she wanted a shirt out of them? Did she harvest them herself like Heaven's Serial Castration Machine and strap them around her torso? Change that "fantasy" thing into "nightmare," then.
Although writing this I learned that castration might help men live longer. Nature's an ironic bugger.
In any case, I think we can all agree that Artemis of Ephesis here has some serious balls.
Wouldn't it make more sense for them to be eggs? After all, I'm pretty sure those pagans were looking to worship a woman and not a hermaphrodite in this case.
ReplyDeleteWell, breasts and bull testicles are the most popular scholarly guesses, although eggs are also out there in the realm of speculation. The bull thing comes from the fact that worshipers sacrificed bulls for her, and supposedly some of her priests voluntarily castrated themselves in her service. So maybe the goddess just thought they made totally rad accessories.
DeleteBull testicles!?! Maybe Artemis was a bull fighter who kept a testi from every fight in which she was the victor. Or maybe the sculptor was just boob crazy.
ReplyDeleteNow I have this image in my head of the sculptor, alone at night going, "Well, I'd better get to work on the breasts...breasts...breastsbreastsbreasts BREASTS!!" And several hours later this emerged.
DeleteMy first thought was, "it would be hard to run around an hunt with that many unsupported boobies." But I guess that's true of bull testicles, too.
ReplyDeleteEgad, you're right! Can you imagine the custom-made undergarment you'd need to go with that physique?
DeleteThey can't be breasts because they don't have nipples. A breast without a nipple is like a milk bottle without a teat. I'd like to think they were mangoes rather than bull testicles. A goddess who needs to wear trophy bollocks must have some kind of complex.
ReplyDeleteWhereas a goddess bringing the gift of delicious mangoes is definitely worthy of worship!
DeleteDo you get good ones in your part of the world? I could send you a box when they're in season.
DeleteWell, Britain isn't quite known for its tropical nature! I'm not sure what I could offer in exchange--our main culinary outputs are boiled sheep guts and deep-fried candy bars.
DeleteAh, you must live in Scotland. I don't touch hard liquor but I hear your water's good neat!
DeleteLooks to me like something laid eggs all over her!
ReplyDeleteSoon, she will have either a large family of birds or reptiles, or an *amazing* omelette.
DeleteDefinitely bull testicles. That looks EXACTLY like the bull testicle sweater I bought at Nordstrom's last year.
ReplyDeleteOhh, you got one of those? Lucky. They were sold out by the time I got there.
DeleteI'd love to shake a stick at the Vatican... but that's just me being sarcastic me and jealous of all the riches that come with owning your own country.
ReplyDelete