Ok, more like it will fish them out of the
water, where they have been stored in a waterproof basket. But that doesn’t help me practice my Preposterous Clickbait Title Generation Skills.
Moses.
You may be familiar with him as that guy who talked to flaming
shrubbery. Or who told his brother to
turn all the water in Egypt into the world’s biggest blood bank. Or who really hated golden livestock (but
magical bronze snakes were ok). However, today
we’re going to look back on an episode Before He Was Famous.
The story goes that in Egypt the Pharaoh
was none too impressed with the Hebrew people thriving, so he wanted all the
infant boys murdered. To save her baby,
Young Moses’ mother hid him in a basket and put it in the river. Pharaoh’s daughter went to bathe in the river
with some handmaidens and was like “OMG what a cute basket! Wait, there is a live baby in it. That will make it harder to hold Daddy’s
collection of dead babies.” But ultimately
she decides to let the baby live for some reason.
 |
| The Finding of Moses, Veronese, probably 1570/1575 (Source) |
This painting depicts this episode. I would just like to point out that this is supposed
to be the princess of Egypt.
I have seen vampires with more of a
tan.
Additionally, the princess seems to have
brought along some more questionable “handmaidens” to her bath. Like this one, who clearly thinks the lady
has become a basketcase…
Or this alternate-reality version of Tyrion
Lannister, who pursued his childhood dream of becoming a jester.
Perhaps most striking, though, is what
these ladies are up to.
They are running around like “AHHHH! BABIES IN THE WATER!! I hope I didn’t get any on me!! Do you think it’s contagious?”
Sadly, worse things were in store for Egypt
than a Plague of Water Babies.
The look overdressed for a picnic by the riverbank, so they must have been expecting a celebrity to turn up. He may have been the dwarf rather than Moses. A dwarf holding a big horn is never a minor occurrence.
ReplyDeleteThis is true. Maybe he was the Kenny G of Biblical Egypt.
DeleteDid she have the baby but hasn't shed that baby weight yet? Yuck-o.
ReplyDeleteYour Preposterous Clickbait Title Generation Skills are strong. I clicked.
That basket doesn't look very buoyant. Never mind the blatant racism implied or the anti-little-person sentiment, I'm worried about that fictional baby.
There is good reason to be concerned about that fictional baby. There is also good reason to be concerned about the blatant racism and size-ism. Egypt was a rough place for some.
DeleteFun fact: with this title, I've gotten almost 20% more views in less than 24 hours than my last post has in total. I'll just ignore the fact that I'm working with numbers that could be mistaken for public school class sizes.
Excellent title - I really thought I'd been sent an email from BuzzFeed. Now you just have to put a few words from each of your paragraphs on a page and make people click forward to read the next sentence.
ReplyDeleteIf I ever reach that place, somebody please slap me.
Delete