In the last installment of our ongoing series on the Life
and Times of Marie de’ Medici, Marie successfully snagged a man when
angels brought her portrait to Henry IV of France. This time, we see her joyful wedding to her uncle, because Henry
was too busy to attend.
Much like the deep relationships formed via X-Box Live
today, the couple didn’t have a lot of time or opportunity to spend with each
other in person. Unfortunately, the
Skype video-chat wedding had not been invented yet, so when Henry couldn’t fit
his wedding into his busy schedule, her uncle had to take his place as proxy
groom. To be fair, he was probably
about the same age as Henry.
I do wonder at the fact Marie seems to be taller
than everyone in the room. Is she standing
on a box under her voluminous dress? Is
she part Amazonian? Is it her shared
genetics with the Olympian gods?
In an excellent example of classical self-insert fan
fiction, Rubens himself is pictured in the crowd holding a cross.
I assume the cross is meant to ward off all of the pagan
gods that seem to keep turning up in Marie’s life, from her birth to her
education to finding her a man.
Unfortunately, the cross doesn’t seem to be doing a very
good job.
Hymenaios, the god of marriage, hangs out holding the train
of her dress and a torch. His face has just a hint
of mischief, suggesting he is considering lighting the dress on fire. Also, why on earth is the god of marriage
like eight years old? Also also, “Hymenaios”
would be a great name to bribe the hospital staff to put on the birth
certificate for the newborn of someone you don’t like.
Anyway, the backdrop for this romantic scene for the ages is
this statue.
I
suppose that God the Father weeping over the broken form of Jesus represents one
form of “eternal love and passion,” but it’s not the one I imagine the
typical Bridezilla would choose as the central artistic representation of Her
Special Day. But then, when it’s your
uncle putting a ring on it because your man is too busy to turn up, maybe you
want some different symbolism.
I think the god of marriage is only 8 because there was such a short life expectancy back then, so you had to get to breeding by the time you were 12 if you expected to start a family. Also, was the Uncle as a proxy thing for real? 50 shades of creepy.
ReplyDeleteYou have a point--at 15 I guess Marie was pretty much an old maid already. And yeah, as far as I can tell the uncle thing was for real.
DeleteHer uncle was standing in? That is seriously weird. So is the bride's figure. She seems to have a pubic bulge, as if she was wearing a chastity cushion. Maybe she needed it to stop her uncle ravishing her.
ReplyDeleteI think I would be wearing a chastity cushion with that guy as a stand-in. Or maybe it just goes hand-in-hand with whatever growth hormone is causing her to tower proudly over her elders.
DeleteI'm curious as to the reason why a dog is raptly watching the wedding. If the bride was one of those crazy people who treats their dog like a human, you think he'd be better dressed for the occasion.
ReplyDeleteYou're quite right, which leads me to suspect the dog just wandered in from the street. Maybe there will be a rabid dog attack to liven things up a bit.
DeleteAt first it seems almost like Rubens is the only one in the room totally uninterested in the wedding ceremony, then it occurred to me that Rubens had to look at a mirror to do the ol' self portrait to insert himself into the scene. The only way he could have really inserted his own face looking straight forward and NOT looked like he was ignoring the wedding would be by painting himself as God the Father. So...WAIT A MINUTE!
ReplyDeleteWow... talk about narcissism.
I hadn't even noticed how much their faces and expressions are mirrored...wow. Gotta love a modest artist.
DeleteI don't know who the guy is standing in front of Rubens, but he seems to be trying to cop a feel of the bride. The dress seems to be thwarting him though.
ReplyDeleteI think dresses were designed back then to act as padded armor against would-be molesters. I especially like the neck ruff to prevent necking or nuzzling.
DeleteIs it just me or does she look completely put out by this entire ordeal?
ReplyDeleteWell, she's at the altar with her uncle, a small child carrying flame around her skirt and another random guy trying to smell her hair...I guess it's not quite the Fairytale Wedding she'd hoped for.
DeleteOh, Marie, if only you knew how it would turn out, with all of Henry's mistresses - that you married a proxy was a good indicator.
ReplyDeleteAnd how. But then, he was conveniently assassinated the day after she was officially crowned queen, and within hours she banished his main mistress from the country. That's some serious pissed-off-wife action, there.
DeleteAnd that is why I secretly love Marie.
DeleteIt it me, or does it look like "god" is buggering "broken jesus?"
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there is a niche for gay deity porn, but I really really hope that is not what is happening there...
DeleteAnd I bet they served angle food cake at the reception afterwards too. Totally cliche.
ReplyDeleteThat could be...but it might also have been fruitcake, to allow the bride to share her disappointment with all her guests.
DeleteMy parents had a similar marital arrangement. Neither of them attended the ceremony and they haven't met each other since. I have two siblings, but we were all separated at conception.
ReplyDeleteThat's probably the best way to go about it. None of this halvsies for the wedding, catch you for the honeymoon and in between mistresses nonsense.
Delete