Thanksgiving gets feasting, but the day after
Thanksgiving has long been associated with another tradition: lining up and mauling
fellow shoppers to get a discounted Shiny New Thing of the Year, or as many
SNTotYs as one can grab without being stabbed in the face.
This painting by 16th century Dutch painter
Cornelis van Haarlem, “Massacre of the Innocents,” is actually really horrific. But because I am a terrible person, this
vignette made me decide Black Friday was the time to bring it out here.
These ladies are ready to do ANYTHING for a great deal. I assume they are scratching that man’s eyes
out for a terrific new flower-print tunic.
Overlooking the overwhelmingly horrendous slaughter and the
extremely prominent male buttocks displayed at the front of the painting, the
other bit that caught my eye was this group:
That nude man has possibly the most unlikely “about to
murder someone” pose that I have ever seen.
It is a pose that says, “Excuse me, miss, I have something I think you’d
like to see.” And behind the main group
there is a lady that appears to be performing the YMCA dance. So at least someone is having a bit of fun
in all this.
Given the conspicuous lack of sexual excitement in either gender, one assumes the men are naked to give the women a fighting chance. The ladies aren't making the most of their advantage if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteNot entirely, but attempting to gouge out eyeballs is not a terrible secondary strategy.
DeleteAnd this all took place immediately after the Police & Crime Commissioner elections you say?
ReplyDeleteExtraordinary, quite extraordinary. I am so glad that I was not a contemporary of the Old Masters. For one thing, I just don't have the buttocks for it.
All men did in olden times was sit around using the GluteMaster 1000 or pillaging.
DeleteI think they're all so angry because of their micro-phalluses. I've never seen a gathering of so many tiny penises...and I hang out in the Congressional steam room--BOOM! Political humor!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, that lady in the background is totally doing the YMCA dance.
I've always said that angry mobs brutally murdering women and children are compensating for something. It was the early version of the muscle car.
DeleteTo defend the honor of the men, I think it was cold outside.
ReplyDeleteI want to know how come every time I've seen a naked man in public, he never had a body worth looking at like these fine specimens (micro-penises and all) do.
I have wondered that myself. Maybe these men are angry because they were all minding their own business in the nude gymnasium when this bunch of women suddenly bulldozed it?
DeleteHILARIOUS!!! I am your newest follower. Maybe you can stop by my blog and check me out?
ReplyDeleteThanks,
Sarah
@Enjoying the Epiphany
Thanks--welcome to the blog!
DeleteI'm happy to see both men and women slaughtering innocents - equality!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! This is totally how I picture Black Friday!!! Never having participated in this scene of carnage, I'm glad you brought it to light with this painting.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that it helped to get the sense of carnage across. Sadly, the reality features much less finely sculpted male nudity.
DeleteWOW. That is some seriously disturbing stuff and you are right, that is an accurate depiction of Black Friday.
ReplyDelete